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I’m one of those great people who can’t read social cues, so when a get-together is winding down and people are leaving, I’ll hang around until you explicitly tell me to GTFO. It’s not that I’m desperate to stay or anything, I just don’t know how to read a room, especially if I have no other plans. I would be an absolute fucking nightmare at an orgy. 4am, the host now fully dressed again, mopping up the cum and sweat, and it’d just be me left, naked, wanking on his couch. His wife away to bed already, lights in the kitchen switched off, dogs fed and candles blown out, and just the thwick-thwick-thwick of my foreskin rolling back and forth while the guy angrily clears his throat, getting progressively more tuberculosisy as his impatience grows and with my apparently psychopathic dominance display showing no signs of abating.
“Hey man, got any more Viagra? Don’t think I’ll be getting another natural one tonight lol”
“Please… please leave…”
“Oh sure no worries, bye” and I’d be gone in 3 minutes without being any the wiser about what a colossal fucking prick I’d been until maybe 3 or 4 years later.
Actually, this reminded me of a real thing that happened when I was a teen, and the horror of which only dawned on me about 6 months after. I was in Belfast meeting a potential new bandmate for my metal band. He wouldn’t be there for another 45 minutes or so, so I thought I’d pass the time in a guitar store, playing a guitar I could never afford, without headphones. I must have ran through Metallica’s entire discography for that full 45 minutes - an incredibly long time. One of the clerks came and chatted with me, and I thought he was just shooting the shit, but in retrospect he was screaming through his eyes “motherfucker, buy something or fuck off, or at least stop playing Enter fucking Sandman”. As I was leaving the store, one of the other guys behind the counter joked “after all that and you’re not even buying something?” but guess what friends? That was no joke. And my parting response to it must have sounded truly fucking psychotic. “What for? Sure I can just come in here and play to my heart’s content for free lol” as the door closes behind me. I don’t even want to imagine what they said about me after I left.
Lads, get that autism diagnosis under your belt as early as you possibly can.
Also, if anyone is having an orgy near Belfast, hit me up! My willy’s pretty small, so I won’t be a bother to anyone. You won’t even know I’m there.
What the fuck did i just read
I dunno but I declare it’s destined to become the next greatest copypasta material.
I want to be their best friend, it’d be a nightmare but fun while it lasted
You read some classic fucking Lemmy, that’s what you read.
I’m not having an orgy but you can come wank on the couch at my great uncle’s wake this Saturday. It’ll be a good conversation starter.
oh you’re why Matchett’s hired a bouncer.
Holy fuck, it WAS Matchetts! Now I’m getting scared that I’m 2 comments away from doxxing myself, so goodbye forever 💗
It would be funny if one of those clerks recognized you at an orgy
Yeah, get out now before you overshare!
Dude are you high?
I already cum on en passant
Sam Reich appears and says who won
So you’re telling me…
He’s been here the whole time?
You only get one shot.
Judging from the last one I was at, when everyone decides to take a third break and get more interested in 80’s music trivia on YouTube than continuing.
Sucks to be the one guy who still hasn’t come and is getting major blueballs
I don’t think a single one of the guys actually came. I suppose that’s the difference between porn and real life - we were all there to make an experience for the girl, and that’s what we did. The breaks were to give her a chance to catch her breath in between strings of nearly non-stop orgasming. By the time we took the third break, she was clearly wiped out, so we switched to the music trivia and just wound down the evening naturally.
That’s pretty wild, and interesting in its own way.
Wait, “girl” singular? Wouldn’t that be more of a gang bang than an orgy?
How do you get into these situations, and how might I?
Hang out with your local kink community, and get a reputation as someone who respects boundaries and consent. The event was organized by a Dom for his sub, with people he knew were on her “I’d be willing to fuck” list.
Just use the password.
The password is oooooooooorgy.
Just don’t forget your mask
Get cooler friends.
I haven’t been to an orgy, but I have gotten a couple of invites over Grindr. There are always so many rules. So don’t worry they’ll tell you.
The one I helped organize had an end time because of the venue.
Yeah. The basement of the Brooklyn supermarket wasn’t going to keep the spot longer then the first morning trucks.
Didn’t know Grant O’Brien has a Lemmy account
When mom gets home from work.
Nah that’s when the real fun begins
Don’t let your mom in, Stifler.
But what if Stifler’s mom lets me in?
I expect porn movies have set OP’s expectations a bit high. Surely at some point the mind is willing but the flesh is weak, right? Or is that just me?
Just tape some popsicles sticks to it and be extra liberal with the lube.
You joke, but they do make like hollow dildos you can wear over your dick, basically like a strap-on.
I feel like the popsicle stick thing would be less embarrassing.
And a lot less comfy on the receiving end.
Meh, throw a condom on it, you’ll be fine.
Hey, something similar happened in EdTV.
But WHOSE flesh becomes weak first?
Abba starts playing and the lights come up
“I don’t wanna talk About things we’ve gone through”
I’ve never had the pleasure, do orgies have a last call?
Same as a party
the homeowner’s spouse comes home unexpectedly
Back in caveman days they rubbed wood together until the fire was going.
And then they went back to the drawing board trying to invent the wheel.
In my experience they give you applause, shower you with rose petals and give you a trophy.
That explains this post… https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/48556082
