If enough people don’t show their gratitude by clapping, the pilot will put the fucking thing into the side of a mountain

My car doesn’t have a name but my motorcycle has heaps. It gets a new one each time it won’t start

Normalise being terminally offline

Now, if heavily armed men show up at my door demanding these things, I can say “I’m afraid that’s unconstitutional my guy!” And they will go " Oh shit I’m sorry I totally spaced on 3A!" And they will leave my belongings and wife alone.

Shame you didn’t chop them at the same time you could have switched them and had a middle thumb

When the Australian Emergency department keeps me waiting for less than 15 minutes, I really start to worry.

Landscalpers

Every day is leg day 🦵

Most of them have anxiety. The rest are just regular terrified.

So just normal then?

Upvoting this

The cat shelter probably doesn’t let you adopt anymore.

I can’t read this comment 👐

👉 The system is working exactly as intended and must be destroyed

I like to ask Linux people “Would you recommend Arch for a newbie?” Not because I have any intention of using Arch, but their answer to that question helps me judge the quality of their advice going forward.

Laptops like a bit of foreplay

I remember my first description of communism from a teacher in 5th grade.

“The government can force you to work in any field they decide. If they need dentists, they might just force you go to dentists school for 4 years. If after that, they decide they need plumbers, they will send you to plumber school and you will be a plumber. You don’t get to choose. If you don’t like it, they will send you to Siberia, which is a bad place.”

He wasn’t a captain either

Pretty good tools and machines came out of GDR

Rapey skunk

But enough about the US president…