that’s The Dentist. He’ll sneak into your home while you’re taking a nice quiet poop and forces his fingers into your mouth to make sure you’re flossing.
if he finds out you’re not, he scrapes your gums until they bleed and tells you about the dangers of gingivitis while soft-rock from the 70s and 80s mysteriously plays somewhere in your house.
when he leaves he gives you a toothbrush and toothpaste in a weird flavor (like shrekin green apple or black panther licorice) and leaves a trail of floss containers in the shape of molars.
whatever you do, don’t tell him you do floss. he’ll call you a liar and cut your gums open with his razor sharp floss and then force you to rinse with 1000 proof mouthwash.
least we naught take our own advice, no?