takes your shirt off, and begins sucking on your nipple

What? Oh, this? No. I’m not sucking your blood. This is a whole other thing. Just go with it…

continues sucking nipple

Then some cops showed up, and he yelled “THIS MAN TOUCHED MY PENIS!”

In a weird way, this guy is an important part of evolution of Lemmy.

When the devs patch this, the code will be stronger for years to come.

…maybe not THAT name…

Thats just a sleep paralisis demon. If you give him a blowjob, he’ll fall in love with you. Then he’ll be YOUR sleep paralisis demon! Isn’t that nice?

I don’t even get yours. The hell does that even mean?

Actually they’re putting a data center next door to where your house used to be. They’re gonna need the land to build the data center. You get eminent domain’d out of your house, and you can’t do anything about it. You just lose your house, and depending on area, you might even lose any money you’ve paid into your house. Even if you own it outright. Gone.

But hey, at least the data center is using twice the amount of water than the city has. So it’s also using all of the local water supply. Humans will just have to do without. It’s not like it’s a basic human right or anything. Well, not in America anyways…

How did you get this photo of me?

No. The buck stops here.

I’ll take the solar panel.

I thought the title was:

Always keep gooning.

I assure you, many stocks have gone much much lower. It’s called “penny stocks”. They’re exactly what they sound like. They’re mostly used as pump and dump schemes. Company is worth $0.01 per stock? Buy $10,000 dollars worth. Then, when it eventually becomes worth $0.02, you sell, and make an easy $10,000. Repeat every few days.

I wouldn’t be able to resist snuggling them.

No no no! What are you guys DOING??? Stop shaving! I haven’t shaved in years! Sometimes I trip over my beard, but when I walk into a room shirtless, covered in honey, people notice. I walk in, hold up a stick and yell “I DO NOT RECOGNIZE YOUR AUTHORITY! THIS ESTABLISHMENT HAS NOW BEEN BOARDED BY THE VIKINGS!!! RAAAAWWWWRRRRR!!!”

And suddenly starbucks gives you free drinks! Also, if they don’t, you burn the tinderbox to the ground. Ghosts and all. They know it’s coming. They know there’s some random vikings out there in the world, and one day they’ll ransack your building if you don’t give them free spoils.

Then one day as a viking is laying claim to his new domain, a pirate walks through the front door. Assisted by canon fire from outside. That’s when you know it’s on! Because Blackbeard don’t fuck around with razors either! My god! Why are you people shaving! Go steal a boat! Or go steal a house! Why are you applying to be an accountant???

What CUMS naturally!

~FTFY

Just as legit as the actual photo they sent out.

You would not do well in the movie Groundhog Day.

Have you met people? People are the worst. I’d do that to people too if I were a bison.

…it’s too hot? Ok,now I just imagine you jerking yourself silly over the idea of making a joke where the punchline is gaslighting him. Is that really what turns you on? What kind of a guy gets turned on by THAT???

Oh…oh wait. You might be onto something!

furiously masturbates

It’s possible. Just depends how fat you are. If you’re 500lbs, and do a crash diet, sure. Maybe even more.

If you’re 140lbs…ehhhh…maybe not.