Perky

Oh look, Cuellar is being a sack of shit, what a huge surprise.

MapQuest Wins By Doing Nothing

The rare case of a leopard eating its own face.

Army Tactical Missile Systems (ATACMS)

Count on the army to refer to their missiles as "attack 'em"s.

That’s not a duck. It’s an Ameridactyl!

Well, he would be the expert on unnecessary invasions…

Mitch McConnell must have been his last horcrux.

A lot of people probably simply aren’t interested in going to an outdoor event during a record-breaking heatwave.

Yes, because women are entitled to make decisions about their own bodies. Glad you’re following along.

Close! You’re confusing Luke 18:15-17 for one of the Beatitudes.

"15 One day some parents brought their little children to Jesus so he could touch and bless them. But when the disciples saw this, they scolded the parents for bothering him.

16 Then Jesus called for the children and said to the disciples, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children. 17 I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.”"

Coffee shops (but who hangs out there?)

Growing up during the Starbucks boom, coffee shops were absolutely a place to hang out after school. There was probably one a short walk or drive from school, and for less than $5 you could grab a sugary drink or a pastry and hang out in a comfortable indoor space with a few friends. Heck, one of your friends probably worked there. It worked great for high schoolers because there wasn’t any alcohol (so minors could be there), you didn’t have to be as quiet as a library, and you could head there regardless of the weather. COVID has probably changed a lot of that as coffee shops focus more on drive throughs and mobile orders, not to mention inflation.

I heard a theory that Trump literally just doesn’t know what a reflecting pool is. He thinks all pools are swimming pools, so he’s turning it into a swimming pool. I have no proof for this but like… it fits.

Yes, hence its inclusion in this meme about North America.

This is why the administration is happy to “promise” $300 billion and other concessions. They know that Israel will never allow the war to end, so they’ll never have to pay any price tag that’s contingent on the war ending.

It doesn’t matter how much they say they’re going to pay. We’re just going to get another turn of the wheel: we’ll be right on the cusp of a deal, then Israel will murder a few thousand people and literally blow the deal up. The war continues but we’re still in a ceasefire, the Straight is open but nobody’s allowed through, Iran’s military capabilities have been completely destroyed but they’re still launching missiles. Give it two more weeks and we’ll be right on the cusp of a deal with another jaw-dropping offer for Iran that won’t matter because they know we’ll just turn the wheel again.

Because these are highly organized lunatics who vote.

You can also report your own deductions if you itemize. If your income is low, the standard deduction is probably just significantly bigger than your itemized deductions.

Sorry, that forest is owned by a corporation and you’re trespassing. The angry men with guns are here to see you out.

Ruining lives for the love of the game

Illegally feeding the homeless?