I just noticed this weird one where i feel like im incapable of juggling multiple things at once, like instead of slowly chipping away at multiple efforts in parallel (not literally at the same time a la multitasking), i feel like everything has to be sequential even if they could all technically be gradually achieved by breaking them down into manageable daily chunks with a firm shared deadline for all

Another I noticed reflecting over the past decade or so is i was up to my eyeballs in debt and working all the time without making a dent and my apartment was a dirty disaster full of bullshit and clutter and always the sink full of dishes, i kept thinking all that time when i get out of debt, when i have money, when i get things straightened for the millionth time, this and that, then i can start living. Whatever the hell that even means.

Starting to realize i need to figure out how to start living now. I dont have infinite time and the most important things to me like my cats and my health and a future thats actually sustainable and starkly different from how things have been so far, i feel like im constantly failing to nourish and plant the correct seeds I need to broadcast long-term

All those initial bindings are technically gone but my life still feels cold and barren and precarious. Like comimg out of a mental prison after all this time, i hardly know what to do with myself

  • 9point6@lemmy.world
    0·
    8 days ago

    In terms of maximising personal gain, that I shouldn’t be shitty to others. If you don’t care about anyone else, you can exploit, rob and manipulate

    Though, I’m happy to have that belief, I’m not a psychopath

  • ChonkyOwlbear@lemmy.world
    0·
    8 days ago

    That everyone should live in a way that minimizes the harm done to others. In practice this means I am always compromising my needs for others.

      • ChonkyOwlbear@lemmy.world
        0·
        8 days ago

        The big one is my career. I was an environmental geologist. I cleaned up petroleum contaminated sites. That’s at least in theory. The reality was that all I did was help big oil corporations free themselves of legal liability and not really clean up anything. I couldn’t do it anymore and now I work a service job that wastes my talents but doesn’t make the world worse.

  • ODGreen@lemmy.ca
    0·
    8 days ago

    OP, have you considered if you have ADHD? Having trouble handling multiple priorities and finding it difficult to break down tasks, as well as not enjoying the present, those sound like ADHD things. Potentially - could also just be a difficult time you’re in.

    My limiting belief is thinking that people will react negatively when I say no (plans, taking on more work, free samples even). Most of the time, they move on and forget about me. Their day isn’t ruined because I failed to please them. So I’m trying to say no more often, and when saying no, trying not to explain myself unnecessarily.

    • cheese_greater@lemmy.worldOP
      0·
      8 days ago

      Yep, diagnosed and take meds and everything. Just kind been in a weird time, I’m making a lot of good moves and progress lately but it took an astounding amount of wasted money and time and vacillating between enormous effort and just total extended shutdown.

      What kind of trouble has that particular belief created for you irl? Like, did it kind of go on for a while where you weren’t saying no when you needed or wanted to and how did that affect you? What was the last straw?

      • ODGreen@lemmy.ca
        0·
        7 days ago

        Relationships went on too long and decisions were taken I didn’t agree with, because I didn’t know how to say no. More than that, I didn’t know or respect my own needs, having suppressed them to get along for so long. Took a mental breakdown to change things around.

        Now I’m working on recognizing and respecting my own wants and needs. Not minimizing when I have a preference that isn’t being respected. No more “oh I can tolerate this” - more “let’s change this now”.