Do you consider ghosting people a reasonable way to deal with today’s overwhelming and constant information and notification overload? Or do you find it offensive and unfriendly?
Would you equate it to a person ignoring you irl or is ignoring a text different?
For this post let’s assume the people involved are or were in the past friends, and ghosting is leaving someone on “read” for more than 2 days.
Depends. Someone toxic that doesn’t respect boundaries? Absolutely. A good friend for no reason? No.
I don’t take ghosting from women too personally. It still stings, but I understand. I’ve heard horror stories of men who will think of any response, even if it’s “fuck off, leave me alone!” as a chance. So ghosting is the way to go in these circumstances.
The woman doesn’t know if I’m one of those men. So again, if I’m ghosted, I try to shrug it off and move on.
A friend, though? They’d better tell me they were in a coma or something. Otherwise they can fuck right off.
What’s crazy is that, personally, I seem to know just as many “Can’t this guy take a hint” women as I know “I’m not good enough for him so I should block him” type women.
I legitimately know two women who had that concern, blocked the guy on everything, and he either made an alt or found an obscure social to DM them on.
Both are happily married and medicated for their anxiety now.
I legitimately know two women who had that concern, blocked the guy on everything, and he either made an alt or found an obscure social to DM them on.
Holy hell, what a nightmare. This happened to me once with a woman. She doing it to me, kind of ironic. And I felt mildly annoyed instead of horrified, which I’m aware is male privilege.
Two days is not ghosting if they’re busy or struggling.
Personality and relationship/closeness matters, as well as expectations.
Ghosting can be disappointing and can be hurtful.
In no way would I consider read for 2 days as ghosting
For this post let’s assume the people involved are or were in the past friends, and ghosting is leaving someone on “read” for more than 2 days.
This doesn’t match how I’m used to seeing ghosting defined.
That behavior might be unfriendly, but there are a ton of innocuous reasons people do it. People are busy and not every message merits a prompt reply. If someone sends me something that requires more time or attention than I have at that moment like a video or news article, I’m likely to make a mental note to look at it later. I might actually remember, and then remember to send a reply about it. I might not.
It’s maybe a little rude not to respond to something more important or time-sensitive, but I can always ask again or use something more synchronous like a voice call. People are busy, life happens, tech can be unreliable. It’s best not to assume intentional disrespect.
My understanding of the term “ghosting” is permanent or long-term cessation of communication over all channels without explanation. That should be reserved for situations where someone is a physical danger or behaved in a manner so egregious they almost certainly know what they did.
Yeah, there seem to be two definitions of ghosting.
The actual definition is when someone you have an established relationship with cuts off all communication without explaination. For example, if your girlfriend of a year and a half just stopped responding to all texts and calls and blocks you on all socials, that would be ghosting.
Then there is the terminally online and emotionally fragile definition, which is when literally anyone doesn’t respond to your messages with the utmost urgency and priority. Eg, a girl you matched with on a dating app doesn’t keep your endless boring conversations going. Or, as here, a friend doesn’t respond to a text immediately.
Unfortunately, the second definition tends to predominate online, and it’s hard not to feel the cringe when someone uses it.
Texts are literally made for busy people. I don’t understand how you can call later but not have time later to check their text. Calls demand you at the very moment but texts allow you to respond whenever you are free.
Uh sure. Texts allow you to respond whenever you are free. But if you don’t want to, you don’t have to. My free time is my own for me to use in any way I please. And if I don’t want to reply to anyone in particular during my free time, no one should judge me for that. I’ll reply to you when I want to. That’s why it’s asynchronous communication. Need something more immediate? Call. Visit. Or try texting again (but don’t send a barrage of texts.)
I am likely to send more texts, but at some point, if someone is not getting back to me in the timeframe I want them to, I will call them to force the issue rather than silently getting mad about their slow response.
I’ve always associated the term with the online dating arena. However, I’ve lost touch with people after moving cities, or having various life changes occur (sobriety etc.), is that ghosting? I’ve had to go no contact with a few ex partners and friends for mental health and safety purposes, is that ghosting? I have adhd inattentive and occasionally respond in my head to a text message but unintentionally fail to respond in actuality, is that ghosting?
The definition seems to depend on the recipient to a large degree. A lot of folks here are saying “you have to communicate or it’s cruel/cowardly/sociopathic”(yikes to that last one btw). Well, I recently had to end a friendship and I communicated to them, as kindly and as clearly as I could, that things had run their course. I did not ignore them or suddenly cut them off, I communicated. They didn’t like what I had to say, and went a little bonkers, so I blocked them and now their story is that I ghosted them. Idk, it seems to be a slippery term in my experience.
I’ve never felt offended by someone losing touch with me or by getting busy with life etc. Life happens, things and people change, it seems natural to me that a lot of relationships have expiration dates to various degrees. The only times I’ve had people aburptly end communication with me was when I’d said or done something egregious and I don’t fault them for it. That only happened back in my drinking days, I’ve not had it happen since getting sober ten years ago. In my experience, which is by no means universal, if someone abruptly cuts you off, it may be time to take a step back and examine your behavior and/or expectations. And if it turns out they were just a shit person, then let them ghost, good riddance.
ghosting is leaving someone on “read” for more than 2 days.
This is totally normal behavior. People are busy. Sometimes they read your message and say to themselves “I see this now, but I’m feeling stressed and busy right now - I’ll reply later when I can write a good response.” But then later happens, and it turns out they are tired and forgetful.
Especially if you are just trying to have a casual conversation - people will treat these messages as lower priority and also as requiring more emotional energy, since the conversation isn’t urgent but they don’t want to write dismissive one word responses.
I recommend:
- Send texts primarily to exchange information or make arrangements to meet.
- If you want to have a conversation, either meet in person or have a phone call.
- If a person has failed to respond to a text, then wait until the next time you have some reason to contact them - which could be as simple as “I want to talk to them”. At which point, text them the info you need to give to them and/or pitch a time to meet up or have a phone call. If they don’t respond to this, I tend to follow up with a snarky “HellooOOOoooo”. And then if they don’t respond to that, a sincere message asking if they are okay. If they still don’t respond to that, depending on the friendship, I may either write them off, or ask mutual friends what is going on.
Are you an AI bot?
No. I can write enumerated lists without being a bot, dipshit
The bots are getting feisty these days
Oh. Name-calling. Original.
Eh. I get it. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Unless you’ve been dating for like 8 months or something
It’s cowardly behavor that dehumanizes people.
Naaaah, if you have five people in a year texting you over and over demanding your attention, then getting even more texts when you reply with “yo don’t text me again,” you’ll learn to ghost very quickly.
I’m not saying that’s everyone’s experience. But understand that not everyone does it for the pleasure of dehumanizing.
Treating your personal relationships like soliciters is not healthy.
I genuinely don’t understand your comment. Care to elaborate, please?
Nah, that’s something i would only do for a friend.
lol ok
Ok
Not a fan. Really ruins the whole multiplayer experience when people do that.
It’s immature. Just say you’re taking a break from messaging right now.
Double goes for dating. If you get ghosted by someone, probably a good thing, because they aren’t relationship material yet.
Whenever I hear ghosted what I actually see is they were too afraid to have a conversation. They think it hurts the person’s feelings less. It doesn’t. If anything it leaves them angry and confused.
ghosting is a lot better than having someone show up at your door pounding on it at 11pm screaming how you can’t break up with them.
happened to me more than once, so I ghost now. It’s safer and less dramatic for everyone involved. nobody i ever ghosted has harassed, threatened, or assaulted me. women I’ve respectfully broke up with have a tendancy to do one or more of those things. hell I’ve had situations where she was breaking up with me… and got violent because I wasn’t upset enough for her and that upset her… how dare I take her dumping me well!
and as a man, woman on man violence/harassment has zero social consequence. if anything if i called the cops because a woman was stalking/assaulting me, I’d get arrested.
hurting someone else’s feelings is a lot better than someone threatening violence at me for breaking up with them.
Whatever, people are busy. Texting means I may read it, I may not. If I do I may respond, I may not.
Certainly is not instant communication.
Pretty much of the opinion that out of sight is out of mind. You are here, you have my full attention, you are elsewhere… surely you have better things to do than text me.
depends. there’s people who to not ghost I’d have to have to have a several hour conversion of them spam texting or attempting to interrogate me and we were never close enough for it to be my responsibility to explain their interpersonal failings to them in detail. I can’t fix the world and if I spend my personal time giving every person I run into whose parents failed to teach them basic social skills an hour+ of psychosocial educational therapy, I would never get anything else done.
Sometimes you’re overwhelmed, and that’s ok, if the person is toxic then it’s ok to ghost them. However, if you just don’t enjoy their conversation, or have better things to do, as an adult you have the moral obligation to let them know you’re not going to be responding. It’s as easy as “I’m busy so won’t be able to respond to messages as frequently”. It’s not hard, and it’s nice, and it keeps people from feeling sad. If they react to that message in a bad way then that’s on them.
Edit(this does depend on communication style though, I have some friends that we just send each other messages every few months like pen pals in days of yore)
Since many have already answered to OP, I will ask another version of question similar to this.
What kind of ghosting is this when people only text you when you text them first? And when you don’t, the conversation never happens again?
Answer: that’s not ghosting. That’s like saying “what kind of lamp is this computer speaker?”
Ghosting is when the other person never responds, ever, even if you send them messages. As long as they respond, again, that’s not ghosting.
That’s just a person for whom you are not a priority in their lives.
Not ghosting if you aren’t cut off, imo its not ghosting if you still follow or have each other as friends on any social media, if someone stops responding and removed you everywhere, that is ghosting
The ADHD type. People stop existing when they’re out of render distance.
Both.
