I’m okay with a generation not instinctively crowd-funding a Zach Braff project.

The fuck you talking about? The second pic is us anytime someone shits on us or our family. Please Daddy Teddy, abandon us just one more time for a natural disaster! We’re so close!!!

Maybe, but I kinda doubt it. I think this psyop is Made in AMERICA™

ETA: Actually, I have no clue what to believe. I’m just a Texan screaming at an echo chamber of stupidity. I forgot that just because we’ve become a self-drinking glass of idiocy doesn’t mean that there could have been an external catalyst.

My next sleep paralysis demon

I can hear that Ren and Stimpy episode (both frames are from the same episode).

And you wanna know what else? I’m gonna hit ya! And you’re gonna faaaallll… *points at ground* And I’m gonna look down, and I’m gonna laaaaugh…

I remember this happening. I remember thinking “who the fuck is trying to buy you? These are your tax dollars.” I remember realizing that the problem was giving Biden the W.

Perhaps from their high moral ground, God can hear them asking what part of his plan this is.

When I was in elementary school back in the 1900s, I went to a friend’s house in Kerrville. My parents made me promise that I wouldn’t tell anyone that I’m Jewish. The old freethinker German towns around San Antonio are such weird, corrupt, stupid places.

He really wants to tickle that dragon’s tail, huh?

My dogs eat strings and tufts from their toys that hang out from their butts sometimes when they poop. Is this fashion?

If you swallow a bunch of gunpowder, drink gasoline, fill yourself with nitroglycerin, and then slam yourself on the floor—sure, you’ll get hired by the talent agent, but then you have to reveal that you can only do the trick once.

My parents got my sisters and Ime the digital Encyclopedia Britannica and purchased any available updates. Pretty fucking sweet, looking back on it.

Sure, but some people at least had plausible deniability. The moment that he became president and showed his competencies, all doubt should have flown out the window.

Thank you. I love Rex ♥️

People have been warning you since July of last year January 2017 and you specifically chose to ignore it.

Excuse me, but as a Texan living about an hour and a half from those floods and having attended summer camp about half an hour away, I’d like to know more about your dog. Can you share a good boy story?

an onerous mandate that imposed burdensome record-keeping

WON’T SOMEONE THINK OF THE POOR BUSINESS OWNERS??? They just want to be entrepreneurs, we can’t bog them down with things like benefits, record-keeping, and paying employees!!!

Employee listening in the background hears the timer for the fries go off. Pulls the basket out from the oil.

Looks at the fries.

Looks at the stand for them to drain.

Looks at Jordan Peterson.

Looks at the fries.

Shoves their own face into the hot oil to escape the sound of JP’s voice.

What’s vodka, precious?!

You can’t destroy human beings by putting out the files, whatever they may be.

- Donald “Russia, if you’re listening” fucking Trump

Such efficiency!

How to order a hamburger that’s mostly spit