I’m totally cool with polyamory and its variants, but this infographic definitely paints monoamory as a lesser choice which is cringe (it also says “idealized monoamory” instead of just monoamory which I don’t get).
Don’t judge other’s choices, doesn’t matter if their choice is polyamory or monoamory.
100% agree. Whoever made this “guide” was attempting to portray monoamory as a bad thing, maybe even worse than cheating.
It reads as though the author is someone single, or someone in an unhappy polyamorous relationship with feelings of resentment towards those in monoamorous relationships.
I agree with not judging. I think monoamory is just labeled as “idealized” because it’s the current societal standard. Some people who don’t mesh with monogamy may not know there’s another option, and so it can be helpful to say that monogamy is only just that, idealized, and not actually necessarily better.
It is inferior simply because it’s the pushed default while it’s the most complicated and the type that requires most personal sacrifices. This is objective.
I don’t see how any of that is objective aside from it being the most commonly accepted, or “pushed” in your words.
A successful two person relationship requires a significant amount of compromise and sacrifice. How does having more partners lessen that?
it doesnt but you dont have to worry about monogamy-only rules like dont do this and dont do that, which is exclusive to monogamy. which makes it objectively worse since you dont have to worry about that in other relationships.
it doesnt but you dont have to worry about monogamy-only rules like dont do this and dont do that, which is exclusive to monogamy. which makes it objectively worse since you dont have to worry about that in other relationships.
All of the others - short of anarchy - also have their rules. For example, polyfidelity is nearly identical to monoamory except you now have to consider the dos and don’ts of both of your partners making it objectively more complicated than monoamory.
yeah those also kinda sucks but at least they are better
That’s not a rule to get around, its called respecting your partners wishes. Its a basic common decency regardless of how many partners you have.
if my partner wishes impact on my basic freedoms they can go get fucked :)
It does not impact your freedoms. Its not like you literally can’t cheat, you just cant cheat and continue a relationship with them. Everyone has their own terms. Yeah, if you can’t handle not cheating, then don’t date a person that wants a monogamous relationship. It doesn’t mean its “inferior”, it just means you don’t want it. Grow up.
Grow up? Because I think relationships with less rules are superior?
Children can’t handle different opinions from what I know.
So what you’re telling me is that you have conditions for your relationships?
Lmao yeah that’s totally why you’re single. Keep telling yourself that.
Having had both types of relationship. This is such backwards thinking, with most poly relationships you will have to make severe sacrifices to the time spent with most of your partners, and often end up with more non romantic relationships. Breakups are more complicated. Not to mention how much more communication it requires to keep together. Calling that anything but a major compromise is just lying. I am not saying any type of relationship is more valid. But that they all come with different compromises which work better for different kinds of people. Just because it works better for you doesn’t mean it does for everyone.
poly relationships also sucks in my opinion but still better than monogamy
Dude you clearly have absolutely 0 experience in this matter, just stop.
Lmao you can’t just say “this is objective” after the most fucking subjective sentence ever written. You’re clueless.
I like this, but I don’t like calling them affairs when everyone involved knows about it.
Egalitarian Polyamory working pretty well for me 😊
This post reeks of incel fantasy.
They are just people living their lives and doing it with consent, except for the cheating part, but that is just shitty behaviour.
Why? Wtf
Passive aggressively dismissive of standard relationships while fantasizing about having multiple interested partners.
Very much seems like someone’s “sour grapes” attempt at explaining why they’re alone.
i.e. “I don’t have a SO because my views on relationships are incompatible with most, totally not because of my personality, or lack thereof.”
Every dynamic depicted here is shown with positive labels and imagery except the normal monoamorous relationship. Monoamory is depicted as neglectful and harmful, and labeled “idealized” as if the idea is absurd or unattainable.
Hell, CHEATING is depicted with less negative imagery than monoamory.
Yeah, no. It doesn’t read like that at all. All it reads like is “there are a bunch of relationship dynamics, and they’re not all going to work equally well for everyone. Here’s a handy overview!”.
I could maaaaybe agree with using “idealized” monogamy, but I don’t really agree because, in our society, monogamy IS idealized as the standard, and if you practice anything else, it’s the weird thing. In that regard you could say it may be “attacking” monogamy, but I’d say it’s simply pointing out that not everyone has to fall into the one relationship type that is most common.
Look at cheating, then look at monoamory, then try to tell me this “guide” doesn’t have some fucked up bias.
Based on this post alone, would someone think cheating or monoamory is worse?
There’s nothing saying cheating is good in the this. And honestly yeah, cheating is kinda weird to be on this, but I think it’s just a statement saying “this is a type of relationship, a type with one person cheating on the other.” It’s as neutral towards cheating as it is towards anything else.
If we want to nitpick, “open relationship” uses the word “affair” which has a lot of negative context, and so open relationships must be bad right? I don’t see this as endorsing anything.
“Nothing saying cheating is good”
In the cheating section there are 3 smiling faces and 2 bright red hearts, one of which is wearing “cool” sunglasses.
The monoamory tile has a frowning face, a big red x, and a broken heart.
I’m sorry but the imagery is definitely there, despite your decision to disregard it.
Look, I think it’d be better without the cheating bit. I’ll give you that it’s definitely a weird inclusion. Pretty sure I already said as much to someone else, if not directly to you. The rest of it, though? There’s a lot of nit picking and stretching to make it at all misogynistic or incel related.
As for imagery, I think we’re interpreting different things from the symbols. The broken heart and the frown represents not being in a relationship, despite being in love. The sunglasses aren’t supposed to represent coolness, but sneaking around, being ‘shady’. Overall could it be more clear? Sure. Could it just remove cheating and be a lot more agreeable? Sure. But with just a bit of contemplation it’s really not saying anything unreasonable.
me when media literacy is hard. :^(
seriously, the last thing - relationship anarchy, is very rarely (if ever) supported by incels/misogynists in general, because they want control over women. relationship anarchy is very much not about control. if we’re to say that the imagery is indicating which is better, it probably would indicate relationship anarchy is best - given the whole everyone is smiling and look at all those hearts deal. not to mention, as the other commenter said - the shades indicate shadiness. there is a distinct air of it being bad in the long run to both scenarios in which secrets are actively being kept.
I mean it is the worse setup ,at least the cheater is getting some
Passive aggressively dismissive of standard relationships
Whose standard?
Human psychology’s standard.
If anyone in this thread had ever actually been in a multiple partner relationship they would realize how shitty it feels.
Yeeeah there’s nothing in human psychology saying we should be monogamous. You just don’t like polyamory, and that’s fine, but it doesn’t take too long to see that monogamy isn’t, like, THE way it should be.
Throughout history, and even to this day, you have a wide range of relationship types, but there has ALWAYS been non-monogamy. From kings spreading their seed far and wide, to people just fucking around, and people cheating, and even today with religions such as mormonism.
The existence of it throughought history pretty well makes it clear that it’s not just a modern thing, and not at all based on biology or psychology. To be clear, none of the examples I mentioned are without their issues. Power structures in religion, or lies and secrecy with cheating and sleeping around. All that shit sucks. But you can be polyamorous without ANY of that.
Monogamy is the SOCIETAL standard. Primarily due to puritanical views as the country developed. As more and more sex education becomes available, and more knowledge is learned, the taboo-ness of polyamory is losing a lot of traction, because it is unnatural to a lot of people.
It’s hard to imagine there’s one person in existence who can meet every one of my physical, emotional, intellectual, etc. needs, and even harder to imagine I could be that to someone. I also can’t dream of EXPECTING that from someone. That’s a lot of pressure, and I think it’s a lot more natural to say, “hey I love you. But I also love this other person, for other reasons.”
Some people make that work, and it’s AWESOME for them, but I think that it truly working, and not just working because “society says we should be together so I guess we’ll tick around even though the resentment grows daily.” are MUCH smaller than the number of people who tries to make it work because that’s all they know.
And to be clear, before you loop back around I Still think that cheating should be removed from the comic because yes, sleeping around without your partner knowing is bad because it violates their trust.
Lmao I’m not reading that crazy manifesto.
Looks like a lot of words just to say “this is why I’m alone”
Human psychology doesn’t have a standard.
Monogamy is just one of a wide range of social arrangements that have existed all throughout human history, and continue to exist.
Personally, I’ve been in multiple partner relationships. Are they perfect? No, absolutely not. But neither were some of the monogamous relationships I’ve been in.
I think the comic is a little off too, and I agree with you about how it portrays cheating, but it doesn’t make sense to shit on all forms of relationship that you don’t agree with.
Cringe
Why
None of it works long term for the vast majority of people. Cheating or sleeping around with or without permission will lead to deep jealousy problems 99% of the time.
Ah yes because monogamy works so well long term :)
yes but not 99%
I’ve been sleeping around for like 6 years already (but not actually having sex, just other love), and the jealousy is quenched by fair orgys.
“The diversity of love” and cheating is second on the list. Like fuck off lmfao.
I do relationship anarchy and it’s fucking amazing. Monogamy feels like a really terrible idea
It may be terrible for some people. If both partners are committed to a union based on undivided devotion, it’s a powerful thing indeed.
Monogamy is terrible for most people so idk what you mean
Man you really wanna die alone on this hill, don’t you? Just give up. You’re obviously wrong and misguided. Take your edgy 14 year old self back to middle school art class so you can draw more shitty anime characters.
“I do relationship anarchy”
I guess 0 partners is still considered anarchy.
Reminds me of that one sketch
