I looked at my clothes and said Eddie Bauer and then came up with a wildly embellished tale of how I grew up with their sleeping bags in my closet, and now they’re the only jacket I’ll buy because they make quality products. I don’t know … I did well enough through the blind rage to get the job.

Turned out my new boss’ background was in journalism, so what I thought was a liability was actually an asset. The job wasn’t terrible. I hated coming up with flowery descriptions of pedestrian English muffins and exhausted any and all citrus and citrus-adjacent puns known to man. And then we lost the contract less than a year later.

I found out about that the day I got back from hauling a truck from New Mexico to get my stuff out of storage.