“Right. Just hold still. I need to check your genitalia for something.”

Seems to be working now. Must have been something on my end?

Nothing is showing up for me, but this sounds very interesting.

Mainly the nostalgia of it. The familiar peaceful Christmas hymns and the way Christmas lights reflect against soft snow. My spirit drifts somewhere between commercial Christmas and Yule.

Nobody supports or likes Joe Biden. Nobody wanted to vote for Joe Biden. No one is wearing hats and waving Biden flags. That’s your weird geriatric-erotic thing. But Donald Trump is objectively worse in every regard, unless you’re dimwitted and openly embrace an alternative reality (as you do).

Oh, no! Biden! Better check my… checks notes… inability to give a shit about Joe Biden. Nobody gives a shit about Joe Biden, because we’re not in a weird Joe Biden cult.

This is the one we went with and it has been well worth it.

Same! We got one of those clocks that change colors during a programmable time frame, so if she wakes up and it’s still red, she knows it’s time to go back to sleep. Yellow means almost time to get up, and green means it’s after 6am. It helped a lot, but we still get the occasionally bizarre 3am protests.

Did you ever have a dweams?

My daughter screamed “I’M AWAAAAAKE!!!” every morning for three years. One day after telling her (like always) that she can just come and quietly let us know, she finally listened.

In times like these we can probably turn to the WWE to draw upon more creative synonyms.

Bernie Sanders COBRA CLUTCHES Republican Senators Over New Spending Bill

The other guy is right, I’m just goofing on the stereotype. You accessing Lemmy is plenty of proof that the stereotype is a bad generalization. Sorry for pissing you off!

Well, three of those five words are awesome together. SWAMP MOUNTAIN DWARF.

I apologize for any offense I may have caused, but I believe your presence here is no coincidence. You have to be the messenger. Please pass it along to the others via email chain letter, or perhaps more effectively, state that Mark Zuckerberg has changed the rules of Facebook and requires all users to automatically swipe when handed people’s phones. That should be effective in getting Aunt Joyce to do the exact opposite.

Never hand a boomer your phone. Especially an elderly boomer, and especially if that boomer is your mother. They will always start swiping. It’s like their brain just deflates. Their eyes glaze over. They get this wide, tranquil smile, as if to say, “Hot dawwg! This boundless collection of photos I’ve been handed is going to be a real treat!”, and they just start swiping. They just start fucking swiping.

Ah, I’ve got one of these due this month, but the Canada Post strike is going on. I still don’t know who signed me up, but I’ve been getting this joke mail for months now.

Pretty cunty meme.

squirmi-squirmi-squirmi-squirmi, (duh-duhn…) squirmi-squirmi-squirmi-squirmi… (guitar)

Whenever I book flowers for work, there is one at the very bottom called “Flowering Planter 7in Ass”. For years now I’ve laughed every time.