AngryDeuce

First thing I thought too lol

Second I thought was “Prepare three envelopes”

Rumor is that Boston Dynamics is working on integrating this into one of those Dog Robots so that if it detects you shoplifting it can run you down and tear you to pieces right there in the cereal aisle

I’ve read that before, but I guess what strikes me as odd is how it wasn’t until I hit my 30s that I suddenly started shitting my brains out whenever I consumed more than a small glass of milk. I drank a lot of milk growing up…it was pretty much that or water much of the time, and even after I went off to college and stuff I still went through a gallon by myself every 3 or 4 days. Not even just milk but WHOLE milk…I didn’t switch to skim until my 20s when I moved in with my gf and she hated whole milk.

Anyways, after three decades of no issues whatsoever, and zero change in my habits, suddenly my body decided “NYET! NO MORE!!!” and my ability to properly digest lactose evaporated basically overnight. I didn’t even make the connection until I was traveling and wasn’t drinking any milk on my trip and didn’t have any problems, but then got nearly crippled the next morning after I had a big ol bowl of Captain Crunch before bed the night I got home.

Hell, even just having a completely different conversation can sometimes lead to huge breakthroughs! I’ve seen it happen!

This has been a godsend for me…I have a pair of 35" ultrawides and I was constantly losing the mouse due to the fact that my desktop is 70" wide lmao

If there’s a realistic choice beyond “Corporate Whores” and “Corporate Whores who also want to institute Christian Sharia law in the US”, and you still support the whores, then yes, I will be right there front and center to call those people scumbags all day long.

However, everyone knows that is not the case in US politics within the electoral mechanisms we’re currently operating under. Through that lens, being the person that knowingly votes for some niche candidate that they know isn’t going to win any election against those two, knowing full well that by doing that you’re making it that much easier for the Christofascists to scrape out a win and continue pushing this morality horseshit on the people…no, you don’t get a pass. Not anymore.

The cost of a dozen eggs is of no fucking consequence when LGBTQ+ society is under assault. The price of a gallon of gas pales in comparison to the fact that ICE is out there literally wiping their ass with the constitution every day and the courts have no recourse to stop them. The fact that your property taxes may be a point or two higher or lower means precisely dick when you’re watching a war be instigated and fought that nobody wants solely to distract the people from the fact that our president belongs on a sex offender registry so his movements can be monitored for the rest of his disgusting life.

I haven’t considered myself a supporter of the Democratic party since they sidelined Bernie, but if my choice is them, or someone that thinks the things I listed above are just fuckin great, you’re goddamn right Im going to pick them. Because at least with them we can stop the fucking bleeding. With the other guys, we’re just counting down until someone decides to trigger a nuke and once that happens elections as a concept are going to seem quaint let alone all the other luxuries we enjoy like running water or a functioning power grid.

Hey at least you guys all have fact checkers in your pockets now lol

Imagine what this was like when we had to go to the library and find a book to prove them wrong lmao

This is my curse…I feel like Cassandra over here, seeing the ways that someone elses plan could go sideways, warning people around me that there is a chance that it goes sideways, they ignore everything I say, the plan goes sideways, and theyre all surprisedpikachu, waiting for me to step in and fix it all.

At home…at work…fucking A.

“Look guys, the people are really all ate up about this slavery thing…I know, stupid…but anyway, what if we instead allowed slavery as punishment for a crime and then just started locking the poors up?”

“My god man, thats brilliant! Why, if we do that we dont even have to pay for their care ourselves! We can even put that expense on the poor people through taxes, thus increasing the chance that they will end up in jail and be available for slave labor!!”

“Dude, I know!! We wont even be forced to enslave people of a certain color, we’ll be able to enslave anyone!!!”

“But what if we dont have enough criminals to leverage?”

“Thats the best part! We make the laws so as long as we always have an easy way to lock people up, we’ll have more slaves than we ever had before the 13th amendment got passed!”

“God bless these United States!”

Even just taking the time to run some hot water over the dishes youre throwing in the sink as youre throwing them in the sink will help. You dont need to wash them, just get the concrete sauce off the plate while its still wet before its had 3 hours to turn into superglue that requires one to get a putty knife from the garage to remove lol

Not trying to argue so please please dont take it that way, just wanted to add anecdotally that my wife says the same thing, yet more often than not when I pass the kitchen the waiting time thats allegedly being used for other cooking related tasks and cannot be reallocated to cleaning as she goes is actually being used to surf Insta, Pinterest, or Etsi lol

And also to be extra clear, I could care less what she does when she’s cooking dinner up to and until the point that the deal is that she cooks and I clean. Since I genuinely do clean as I go when im cooking and she’s cleaning, I feel like she’s violating the terms of our agreement when her cleaning up behind me always only takes her 10 minutes yet whenever im cleaning up behind her Im dealing with so many pots and pans that the water heater gets tapped out halfway through and im still standing in front of the sink over an hour after I started cleaning up the unholy tragedy that is often left behind in her wake.

When two people are cooking the same basic meal and the cleanup time is orders of magnitude higher depending on who is cooking the meal, thats a conversation worth having in my book lol

Ive been told that its not gay in a 3 way, and with a homey in the middle theres some leeway.

Can you confirm? I dont want to run out of credits.

Didn’t even get a reminder to renew my subscription, dirty bastards.

I guess my main concern has more to do with data security. Since you know these apps are being written with fuckin AI and shit now and nobody is paying close enough attention to this…every app you install is just another potential “We are writing to inform you that your data was exposed in a breach we found out about 6 months ago and just told you about now since thats our legal minimum requirement and we only do the barest minimum required because otherwise that cuts into our profit margins. We’re sorry for any inconvenience this may cause. Please refer to the 180 page terms of service to view your lack of remedies in this case as we include verbiage there that says you cant sue us since you agreed to this in exchange for a half price meal deal. Thank you for being a McDonald’s customer!”

The normalization of this, and the lack of real consequences when they inevitably fuck up playing fast and loose with our data, is why I say fuck the apps.

The chipmunks were cute and didn’t hurt nothing (though their pre-dawn chittering was fuckin loud for how little they are, would wake us up even with the windows closed) but the squirrels were true assholes. We invested lord knows how much money into squirrel proof feeders and they would retaliate by eventually getting around the defenses and then knocking the shit down on the ground so they could empty our feeders in an afternoon. They would rip open the suet cages and just drag the whole block up into a tree and gorge themselves on it, and if they couldn’t open the cage they’d steal it in the cage lol

Even my wife, who is like a disney princess and wants to go find a clearing and sing and cuddle all the animals, would chuck hickory nut shells at them whenever she was out there so the birds got something.

I got flamed to oblivion when I said that it’s stunning how many people will gladly allow any old app onto their phone and have access to their data and scrape their life patterns in order to get like 2 for 1 fucking McDoubles or something.

Used to be when they wanted marketing data they paid professional firms to go out and perform scientific research and compensated people for participating in the study. Now they just throw a 50% off coupon at someone that they may or may not even use and people are like “Here’s all my location data for the last month as well as all my contacts and hell why not be able to use my camera and microphone too fuck it, 50% off a Happy Meal is just too much to pass up”

I’ve literally gotten up and left a restaurant before for not having menus. A QR code on a stand on the table that takes you to a fuckin PDF download…fuck outta here with that bullshit.

I didnt get lactose intolerance until I was in my 30s. So weird that my body just decided “Nah, Im good with dairy products” all on it’s own.

Really wish I would have discovered that earlier in life, before I developed my crippling cocoa pebbles addiction.

Brian Regan called them “Me Monsters” lol

I fucking hate that shit lol