• TimewornTraveler@lemm.ee
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    11 months ago

    ohh is there also a study defining exactly how ugly YOU are? or maybe you have some mental health issues and this is just more self deprecating talk?

    that’s the issue here, mother fuckers keep saying “study study study fact fact fact ugly ugly ugly” but that speaks nothing to their own situation. you can abuse facts and research, and I see it literally every day: depressed people cherry pick negative evidence to support their worldview that they are worthless

    • GiveMemes@jlai.lu
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      11 months ago

      There are two good arguments here.

      1. Biologically attractive people will be generally more successful at having casual sexual encounters. Whether or not this tracks to actually finding love or just finding sex is unsure. Furthermore, whether it has to do with “unattractive” people being less confident/more self-conscious is yet to be shown.

      2. If you take care of yourself and actually go out and interact with women (and people in general), forcing yourself into uncomfortable social situations, eventually you’ll get better at talking to people and talking to people is like 80% of dating.

    • ???@lemmy.worldOP
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      11 months ago

      depressed people cherry pick negative evidence to support their worldview that they are worthless

      These people need help. It’s not my problem or responsibility. It’s THEIR responsibility.

    • Katana314@lemmy.world
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      11 months ago

      Like many, I have not seen any success, or really attention (to share my social skills) in dating apps. That step is wholly decided by physical attractiveness.

      I’d be happy to throw away any attempt at using those sites, but unfortunately much of the dating world has moved to them; and the people in relationships I do know generally used them.

      What we know of those sites suggests the only men receiving attention on them are in the top 10% in terms of appearance. I’ve also anecdotally heard from women who admit to using the environment more for attention seeking behavior than actual relationships. I certainly wouldn’t call myself “ugly” for being in the bottom 90 percentile. I am okay with my appearance - I just know I’m not a perfect Adonis. I’m even okay with that behavior from the opposite gender - you can’t help what you like. Even if one of my friends was a granite-chinned gigachad, I wouldn’t fault him for just refusing to work through such a toxic environment - even if he has trouble finding such relationships elsewhere.

      This is a complex situation not faulted to any one gender. The net effect, though, is that it’s not a good idea for anyone to date unless you’re blinded towards the survivorship bias you see from those that make it through, or are unconventionally attractive.

      • Smoogs@lemmy.world
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        11 months ago

        Online dating is not really the best snapshot of stability when it comes to people and relationships, or people who should be in relationships.

        You run a high chance that there are scammers. That will immediately taint your findings.