Misandry and feminism are not mutually exclusive. One issue with folks who are patriarchy poisoned is they don’t accept help on the terms equitable to the people offering it. I see this a lot in my experience as a trans person. Every now and then I encounter a former right winger who wants to be better who looks at me as kindly life preserver to use to dig themselves out of transphobic rhetoric…
Which is great for them, self actualization for the win and all. But when they keep saying secondhand hateful shit - like supporting bathroom legislation or inferring that trans people are all child predators… That’s shit that uses up the energy I am using to keep afloat. If you set a boundry and someone keeps demanding you lower it to have “good faith” conversations at the cost of your mental health. Being placed in a position where you are suddenly the advocate for everyone of your minority is exhausting… And honestly people learn slow. They don’t want to be at fault for something so they will defend their behaviour to the bitter end and throw tantrums when you tap out… That is if they are primed to look at you as as and authority in the subject of being trans at all. When the programming they recieved is that you are delusional people are not primed to deal with your perspective as having any weight.
The thing about feminism is that it organized. It fought other groups of women as well as men. First at the negotiation table they became embattled over and over again. When you get rape and death threats for saying “hey maybe with could have more games with female protagonists?” then you are getting abused at a mob scale. That shit changes people. Some people who are abused become hostile ad a trauma response themselves and are not in a place to offer help. It takes strength for someone coming from a place of abuse to be in a place to be a good ally to people with problems that take logical leaps to empathize with. Not everyone has that but one of the things that helps is recognizing that someone is hurt and not looking at them as being a paragon of fairness and inclusivity. Some people need safe places to retreat to and heal. Some people never actually heal well. They are not your problem. If you waste energy looking to those people as your bar for ultimate acceptance you will only become bitter.
Misandry and feminism are not mutually exclusive. One issue with folks who are patriarchy poisoned is they don’t accept help on the terms equitable to the people offering it. I see this a lot in my experience as a trans person. Every now and then I encounter a former right winger who wants to be better who looks at me as kindly life preserver to use to dig themselves out of transphobic rhetoric…
Which is great for them, self actualization for the win and all. But when they keep saying secondhand hateful shit - like supporting bathroom legislation or inferring that trans people are all child predators… That’s shit that uses up the energy I am using to keep afloat. If you set a boundry and someone keeps demanding you lower it to have “good faith” conversations at the cost of your mental health. Being placed in a position where you are suddenly the advocate for everyone of your minority is exhausting… And honestly people learn slow. They don’t want to be at fault for something so they will defend their behaviour to the bitter end and throw tantrums when you tap out… That is if they are primed to look at you as as and authority in the subject of being trans at all. When the programming they recieved is that you are delusional people are not primed to deal with your perspective as having any weight.
The thing about feminism is that it organized. It fought other groups of women as well as men. First at the negotiation table they became embattled over and over again. When you get rape and death threats for saying “hey maybe with could have more games with female protagonists?” then you are getting abused at a mob scale. That shit changes people. Some people who are abused become hostile ad a trauma response themselves and are not in a place to offer help. It takes strength for someone coming from a place of abuse to be in a place to be a good ally to people with problems that take logical leaps to empathize with. Not everyone has that but one of the things that helps is recognizing that someone is hurt and not looking at them as being a paragon of fairness and inclusivity. Some people need safe places to retreat to and heal. Some people never actually heal well. They are not your problem. If you waste energy looking to those people as your bar for ultimate acceptance you will only become bitter.