I have WeChat, the Chinese messaging app and I don’t really speak Chinese. It’s very basic but I have friends on there. I’ll get a message from a girl every now and again “mistakenly” asking if I’m a tour guide or a friend of a friend.

My Chinese sucks so I usually message back and forth until they ask for money. I think some lady kept it going for three months before she told me her uncle was earning lots of money. I ignored that and she was like: “I don’t know if your Chinese is enough, but did you hear what I said about money?”

I should just flat out ignore them instead.