I cook at home because of restaurant prices and tip culture. Driving everywhere sucks. Everything feels miles away so good luck walking.
Become a regular at the third space of your choice. Like minded people that attend the same things repeatedly tend to click.
Find local polyamorous meet ups. They’re usually down for new “members”. You’ll have a new friend group for a while with the opportunity to bang several people. And usually there are any number of breakups so you can be a shoulder to cry on, etc. Seems like a lot in retrospect.
Desperate time calls desperate measure.
Username checks out.
Best answer I’ve ever had for this was ‘find something to support.’ It can be anything. Just find a space where you have people trying to do something for the benefit of others with some bare minimum cost of entry. The group coming from people trying to help others will bias it toward nicer people. The cost of entry, even something small like $5/mo or physically present volunteering, deters anonymous trolling.
The other good option is classes. Doing things to improve your skills in something is generally worthwhile anyway, but it also puts you in contact with other people who share an interest.
I met my eventual spouse an art gallery opening. Amazing how certain settings filter out the detritus of society.
every art person i ever dated was a rich douchebag that hated people for not being rich and spent most of our dates whining about how they weren’t rich enough.
Public art museum, not a private gallery that sells shitty art.
Yeah, that’s exactly where I met them. They go to both.
Always gonna plug disc sports when threads like this pop up. Ultimate Frisbee is fun and if you live in even a minor city there’s usually a rec league to join. Has the best culture of any sport IMO, full of the chilliest most accepting people who are always looking for more people to join and with rec leagues people will sometimes go out to the bar after to hang out.
Disc golf is also great for meeting people if you’re not as into cardio. Can join tournaments and they’ll usually pair you up with people. Or just go solo to the course and occasionally someone else will offer to let you join their round or if you’re waiting with another solo at a hole you can offer to let them join you.
Both are also very cheap activities, Frisbee you just need cleats and to pay ~$50 for a rec league season. Disc golf is basically free once you get discs.
yeah but not everyone likes sports or the cultures around them.
when i was younger i did some frisbee but i wasn’t down with the alcoholism associated with it. i liked drinking, but i didn’t want to go out to a bar and get shitfaced after every event.
I suppose thats the point of recommendations, they aren’t telling you you have to get into sports.
This is my problem with meeting people, only I don’t like to drink (or smoke for that matter). The smell drives me insane so I don’t even like being around people who do it unless I’m getting paid for it.
You don’t need to get shitfaced at a bar. 1 drink per hour is under the legal limit for driving. I find it’s enough to loosen up and if you politely decline further drinks nobody will bother you. And if they’re pushy order a sprite with a twist on the rocks. So it looks like you’re drinking alcohol but really you’re staying sober
Yeah, you do. If you want to be part of the group. Otherwise you are ‘weird’ and they don’t like you.
That’s why I left. I was sick of being told I was ‘weird’ for not being a low grade alcoholic. Or the ‘you are no fun’ ‘why are you so uptight’ etc.
You act like all people are reasonable and respectful and wonderful. They often aren’t. A lot of people cannot respect someone who doesn’t drink, or who doesn’t get drunk. I drink, but I don’t get drunk. People who like to get drunk don’t like people who like being sober, because they are different than them and they see that as a threat.
It doesn’t even have to be about alcohol. Another reason I hated these groups is the gossip and drama. I don’t like talking shit about other people behind their back, and that is happened almost every time after a game or practice. Other people think that is fun and it’s the point of socializing for them to gossip and cause drama.
The internet and being willing to move cross country
I can only answer this based on what I did.
After college I joined the Army. it is easier to meet people in the Army than it is in college. The army was wild. The days last forever but the weeks go by quick. In the army it is not uncommon to meet someone and by the end of the day they are the best friend you ever had and two weeks later you don’t see them again.
After the Army I settled in a suburban area started working a civilian job and raised my family. I met my best friend as he lived two doors down from us and his two kids were one year younger and one year older than my kid, so we were the two dads watching over the kids in the neighborhood.
From there we started lifting weights together, taking our families to football games and having cookouts together. We also had other families in the neighborhood come and go.
I also made friends through work. I worked in IT so it was a fun job and the people I worked with were great.
The most important thing is proximity.
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Lmao don’t join the military
Meet people: hobby or spiritual community are the two big ones most people meet a partner at. Look up cheap hobbies in particular something like a walking club.
Cheap places to take a girl:
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fish around in conversations for her favorite food. Pick the prettiest spot within walking distance. Pick somewhere out of the way but visible to passerby like the edge of a park. Check the calendar for favorable weather. Bring a blanket, that favorite food, and anything needed to make the environment comfy like an umbrella.
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if it’s just not the time of year for favorable weather book a library or community center presentation room and in addition to food fish around in convos for a favorite movie. Still bring a large blanket and push the tables and wheely chairs out of the way.
Any partner who finds effort over cash undesirable is just not a good fit for your life right now.
Coming off as TOO effortful will also count against you. Normal people don’t go all out for someone they just met or are just starting to meet.
These are good second date ideas. Might want to keep it simple at first.
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Fuck if I know. I volunteer. I joined a community choir. I am mildly social at the coffee shop. There’s a local bar/restaurant with picnic table seating and the culture is you can talk with anyone you are seated by as long as you’re civil. People still go to churches. There’s PTAs and stuff for your kids. Just a few ideas.
I really only meet people through work.
And most all of my rare social events are with friends I’ve had for 30 years.
Get a hobby, go to events, find social circles, and drink at the sort of bars you can chat with strangers at.
I met my wife at a dungeon, but I know that’s not to most people’s tastes.
Hey, I’ve also made long term friends from underground raves/sex dungeons. It’s a totally valid way to make friends. Like so many other methods, you already have a shared interest, that’s a springboard to explore if you’re otherwise compatible as buddies.
Church
I met my wife online fifteen years ago. No idea how folks do it these days.
Thank you for sharing.
I guess my takeaway from the rest of the comments could be that so many people have no problem making friends. The world is full of places to meet people, and social situations arranged for that. And it’s all affordable. Guess I just live in the wrong region since this is apparently a non-problem for so many people.
Guess all these lonely single young people are to blame for their own problems. That must be it. /s
The house next door is empty and up for sale. I happened to see a real estate agent and a couple in the driveway, and she waved to me, in a sort of inviting way, so I went over and helped her pitch the house a little, telling them that the previous people were really great, kept up the house nice, did lots of upgrades, the street is really friendly and meets at the neighborhood pool every morning, etc.
The wife asked if there were any musicians, and I raised my hand. She asked what instrument, I said guitar, and she pointed to her husband, and said “So does he.” I said " Please buy this house!"
Yesterday, I heard the house is in escrow, and we’ll have new neighbors soon. I hope it’s the guitarist, I would love a guitar buddy, I literally have NOBODY to play with.
This. I miss being in a band. Did this in high school and college. We played local clubs and bars. It was fun.
But as an adult, who can find 3other people willing to play at all, or even commit to a 1 hour get together to practice… Performing is probably never going to happen again.
I don’t even need a whole band. I have a bunch of recording gear, so I’m always laying out a drum track, doing a rhythm guitar track offer that, then the bass line, then I usually go back and for a different rhythm track with the new bass line, then start soloing over that.
So if I can find a buddy, we can lay down the drum, bass, and rhythm guitar track all at once, then start trading solos over that. Or maybe just acoustic duets. We’ll figure it out.
I don’t. Been single for almost 10 years now. Tried online dating for 8 of those 10 years with absolutely no luck. Made things worse by renting a garage “apartment” so I could live closer to my job which is way out in old rich people land…
So I just gave up and accepted that I’ll be single living in someone else’s garage/basement until I decide I’ve had enough and walk deep into the woods somewhere to “flip the off switch” as it were.
