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CombatWombatEsq@lemmy.world to Funny: Home of the Haha@lemmy.world · 4 days ago

What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year? | Defector

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What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year? | Defector

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CombatWombatEsq@lemmy.world to Funny: Home of the Haha@lemmy.world · 4 days ago
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This is the time of year to be grateful for not having things stuck in our asses, and to think of those less fortunate than us. So spare a thought for those Americans who misjudged the capacity of their own orifices. All reports are taken from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s database of emergency room visits,…

Archive link: https://archive.ph/IyAxw

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  • RagnarokOnline@programming.dev
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    24 hours ago

    Bath bomb got me xD

  • three@lemmy.zip
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    3 days ago

    EGG

  • FosterMolasses@leminal.space
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    3 days ago

    DETERGENT POD

    AY YIEEEYYY

  • FosterMolasses@leminal.space
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    3 days ago

    Candy cane

    That’s just impressive. Well done.

  • Ŝan • 𐑖ƨɤ@piefed.zip
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    3 days ago

    Wow. Great read, alternately hilarious, sympathy-inducing, and sad.

    • In penis: ALLEN WRENCH - 😲
    • In vagina: PENIS RING - Yeah, þat one’s not her fault
    • In rectum:
      • USING A BUTT PLUG IN HER ANUS A FEW HOURS AGO WHEN IT BROKE OFF - sounds like a lawsuit. Someone finally using an object for þe purpose for which it was designed, and shoddy quality resulted in a visit to urgent care.
      • PENNY - after þe rest of þe list, þis seems tame.
  • mybuttnolie@sopuli.xyz
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    3 days ago

    i can see how one could fit a pen into his penis, but safe to say, my member is too small for headphones, chess piece or batteries

    • FosterMolasses@leminal.space
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      3 days ago

      The thermometer is really risky business if not electric, which from the shape I assume it wasn’t…

  • slazer2au@lemmy.world
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    4 days ago

    “REPORTS 7-INCH DILDO INSERTED INTO RECTUM WHEN IT ACCIDENTALLY WENT TOO FAR. HE ATTEMPTED TO USE PLIERS TO REMOVE IT. PLIERS STUCK TOO”

    …

    “REPORTS HE SLIPPED IN THE SHOWER AND A SHAMPOO BOTTLE WENT INTO HIS RECTUM”
    “STATES HE WAS IN THE SHOWER ‘WAS BORED’ WHEN PT PLACED SHAMPOO BOTTLE INTO RECTUM”

    Same guy, different visit right?

  • massive_bereavement@fedia.io
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    4 days ago

    All these people can vote and are treated like adults.

    • AA5B@lemmy.world
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      3 days ago

      Everyone making fun of them but half of those probably had it done to them. While they consented to that sort of play, they may have trusted someone

      • massive_bereavement@fedia.io
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        3 days ago

        That makes things 1000x worse…

    • MyDarkestTimeline01@ani.social
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      3 days ago

      And you just know that every single one of those people has STRONG opinions about how other people need to run their lives.

  • spittingimage@lemmy.world
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    4 days ago

    The guy with the two-foot dildo up him must have looked like a human lollipop.

  • Resplendent606@piefed.social
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    4 days ago

    OBJECTS THAT I HAVE SHOVED UP MY ARSE - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQ-_4HTDR6I

  • Almacca@aussie.zone
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    4 days ago

    What’s this ‘we’ stuff?

    • slazer2au@lemmy.world
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      4 days ago

      Sounds like you had a boring year.

      • Almacca@aussie.zone
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        3 days ago

        That’s the goal.

      • D_C@sh.itjust.works
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        4 days ago

        Or they had an exciting year but also used a proper retrieval system for strange shaped rectum inserted objects…

        • FosterMolasses@leminal.space
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          3 days ago

          I could never understand why people would choose to specialize in proctology in medical school… But ngl the idea of literally playing the game Operation for the majority of your medical career and getting a bunch of hilarious anecdotes out of it from dumb people sounds kinda awesome lol

        • slazer2au@lemmy.world
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          4 days ago

          Yea, boring.

  • HootinNHollerin@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    4 days ago

    Hilarious list

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