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Give compliments the same way you would give them to the men you compliment. Doing otherwise is what makes it creepy to begin with.

Just imagine you liked your male friends hairstyle, what would you say then?

“Hey [name], I like your hair!”

“That’s a nice shirt, is it new?”

I like your style, your taste in music, did you draw that amazing thing? I heard what you said in the class/meeting/cafe and it was really insightful/funny/witty. It’s awesome that you’re into XYZ, I love that too, much respect. Etc.

I tell my kids to complement people’s choices not their looks. Works both for friends and for romantic interests, though the latter you can graduate to complementing looks once you have a solid base. “Choices” are things that can be changed in a day: clothes, hair, accessories, shoes, etc.

Compliment abilities and talent and selection and awareness and navigation. Compliment personalities.

It looks like you’re asking this question in good faith, so let me respond accordingly.

Also, since we are the internet, I should say that your mileage may vary. I’m giving you a specific answer that won’t apply to everyone and in all situations. I’m hoping you will generalise this advice and apply it carefully in your particular situation.

Here’s the issue: compliments sound creepy if people get a sense that there is going to be a follow-up that they are not interested in – like you asking them out at a later date. So your objective is to make it clear that you are NOT trying to chat them up now and that you are NOT banking up brownie points for when you do chat them up later.

Here are four tips for being/sounding less creepy when giving a compliment:

(1) Be happy for them. Assuming you really like what you’re complimenting them on, make sure you sound genuinely enthusiastic about it or impressed by it. So, for example, say something like, “I love what you’ve done with your hair! It looks really cool.” in an enthusiastic way. Don’t be excessively enthusiastic because that comes across as fake; be just a little more energetic that you might normally be.

(2) Say more words than fewer. If you were to just say, “Nice top!” they’d be wondering why you’re focusing so much on their top – which then comes across as creepy. But if you say, “I love the design of that top, it’s really well made!” this tells them you’re actually looking at their top and this is not just an excuse for you to look at their chest.

(3) Make it about how YOU feel. Unless you’re a close friend, don’t talk about their appearance in reference to what you’re complimenting them on. So don’t just say, “you look good with that haircut”. When you do that it sounds like you’re complimenting them and the haircut is just the excuse for you getting into their good books. Instead focus on the thing itself and how YOU feel about it. When you say, “I love what you’ve done with your hair!” you’re talking about YOUR feelings. Then if you add, “It looks really cool” you’re talking about the haircut specifically.

(4) When in doubt, don’t give the compliment. It’s better to be quiet than to come across as creepy. And if you give too many compliments, it feels like you’re going out of your way to notice what they are wearing (ie borderline stalking). Also, save your compliments for something that is particularly cool or different. If you compliment something that’s normal (at least to them), it comes across like you’re trying too hard or that you’re watching them too closely. Which, again, is creepy.

If you’re not comfortable with giving compliments, here are two ways you can ease into this:

(1) Do a drive-by compliment. Like if you’re walking by each other in the hallway you notice their top and say, “That green is a such a good colour!” and then you keep on walking. What you’re doing here is making it clear that there are no stakes involved in this discussion. You are not trying to transition this into a conversation or a chat-up. You’re just giving the compliment and moving on.

(2) Compliment in a group. If you compliment people when they’re on their own, it might sound like you’re trying to chat them up. But if you walk into the office where the team is sitting and see someone wearing really nice shoes, you could say in front of everyone, “I love those shoes!”. That will get everyone else to notice the shoes and, most likely, echo your compliment. Then it will become a group compliment and not one that’s coming just from you – even though you’re the one who prompted it.

(3) Practice on your male colleagues/friends first. By giving these types of compliments to men (~85% of whom will assume that you’re not trying to hit on them) you’ll get a bunch of practice and will build up your confidence. And if your female colleagues see your giving compliments to men as well, it’ll be easier for them to receive compliments from you in the future.

Sorry for the long reply, but I hope it helps!

Bottom like: it feels great to receive a genuine compliment and it feels good to give one as well. We should all get confident about giving more compliments to people of all genders.

yo nice hair

For starters don’t call them females

I don’t understand the question, you seem to already know it if you can do it for men. Just do the same.

This comment section manages to be even more horrifying than the question.

Why is everyone so creepy, seriously?

Send a thumbs-up emoji. 👍️

1. Be attractive
2. Don’t be unattractive.

I will be generalizing (and there are exceptions) but i am 52, have had many relationships and lovers, and the biggest thing i have learned dating women is that you need CONFIDENCE. Like ridiculous amounts of confidence.

I have seen nice, respectful guys tossed aside over and over for selfish douchebags (like me), simply because they don’t act like they own the place. The cocky idiot like me who says whatever women want to hear, usually goes home with them. Sucks, but it’s true. I have had some issues with this as i grew. The nicer i got, the less interested women were. They wanted the asshole.

When women say they want a guy who can express emotion, they are talking about only two emotions…happiness and confidence.

They don’t care about your trauma, they don’t want to hear your sob story about whatever. They’re not interested in your struggle. Women aren’t interested in men running their race. They camp out at the finish line and fuck the winner.

Men look for the most physically attractive woman. Women look for the guy every other guy is paying attention to…no matter what they’re doing. The last time i had a one night stand, i got kicked out of the bar i was in for being a complete dickhead…and a woman came right up to me outside, said i was awesome, and said she’d suck my dick if i got in a cab with her right now.

Be a winner. If you’re not first, you’re last. Women say they want sensitive, nice guys…but when does that ever work?

Never. They go home with the dickhead, and then text you to complain about how there are no good men out there.

They’re not interested in good men. Sad but true. I wish it was different, because i have so much more to offer now…but women just aren’t into nice guys, even though they say they are.

When a woman tells you they’re into nice guys…ask them about the last 10 guys they fucked. None of them are nice guys.

To add to the good advice you’ve already been given… say the compliment and then let it go. Move on, change topic, whatever. The worst is when guys (or anyone) gives me a compliment and expects that to be an “opening” to a dialogue or flirting. If someone says a compliment (even if slightly awkward), but then genuinely moves on and just lets the compliment land on its own, that’s a pretty good indicator that’s all it was.