I know this is gonna sound like the “Where exactly, so I can avoid it” meme, but I’m sincerely trying to avoid it.
I am pretty physically active, and get massage every six months or so. I have a massage therapist I usually go to, but every once in a while it’s an emergency and my go-to is booked up, so I get a sketchy strip mall massage.
About half the time it ends with a happy ending attempt. Not that I’m against the concept, but I refuse to pay for sexual contact on principle. Also that cuts into the time spent on the actual massage I came in for, and pressures me into a huge tip for something I don’t actually want.
At the same time, I don’t want to assume. It seems pretty rude to start off with “I know you’re gonna wanna give me a handjob but I’m not interested”. So is there some kind of standard “initiation” ritual that I can turn down when it comes up?
So this probably doesn’t help (except to back other people’s experiences), but there was an asian massage place across from the place I got oil changes and tire swap/rotations (as stud to normal and back). I went there a couple times (first was weird about tipping, but I figured it was a communication issue), got comfortable with it, and the third time the lady put her hand on my junk and just raised her eyebrows. I slowly shook my head, and she went back to a regular massage. That was the last time I went there.
My wife was actually super upset. Not at me, but for me, saying I had been sexually assaulted. I had to explain that while technically that might be true, I was not in a position of vulnerability, she was just doing her thing (and I was clearly in the wrong place), and I get to define my own experience.
Found Deshaun Watson’s account
For him the keyword was “Management, another please.” I don’t know if that’ll work for most people.
“Give me the sad ending this time.”
They just kill your dog
And then you have to go on a increasingly bad four movie revenge arc where you kill thousands of people across the globe and then finally die alone
The real happy ending is muscle tension relief
The real happy ending is the self care we found along the way
The real happy ending is being murdered on the spot and having your organs sold on the black market to make other people happy.
If I could massage myself, I would never leave the house.
Depending what you want it for, but a sports massage is possibly a good option.
I’ve had a few for work related muscle tension issues. It’s a different mentality to the massage parlours. It’s also a lot more effective at problem solving, rather than feel good relaxing.
About half the time it ends with a happy ending attempt.
Wait, what?
You tell us: what is that like. How do they offer? Is it verbal? What do they say or do?
They start touching my genitals. That’s about it.
I was going to say “Hard to argue with that” but I guess you did argue with it.
There’s some clear clues on which venues are happy ending parlors.
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Avoid places with completely curtained windows. At least the lobby area should be visible to the public.
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Seek out places that refer to “massage therapists”. Avoid “masseuse” or “massage parlor”.
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The “crystal healing” “sound bath” hippy dippy places might try to sell you mushrooms but they are less likely to grab your dick.
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Avoid cash only places, they are trying to hide paper trails. Even if you’re paying out of pocket, any place that accepts insurance isn’t offering a “secret menu” .
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Low stated prices might mean they get by on big handy-based tips. They’re cheap for a reason. Medium priced places are just charging for normal services.
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Check what kind of person is in their online reviews. If it’s a middle aged man talking about how beautiful the “girls” are, skip. If it’s a Karen complaining about how they used CBD oil, it’s probably fine.
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Strip malls in general seem to attract this business niche, too. I’m not sure why.
If you’re normally comfortable getting a massage naked, consider keeping your underwear on for your first visit with a new practitioner.
Woah, thanks for the tip on where to buy mushrooms
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I appreciate this is probably the autism, but I’ve always been fascinated that most people seem to be comfortable with stripping down and being oiled up and touched by a stranger.
The odd thing is, I’d totally understand this in a sexual context - but for people to want this kind of contact just as a service, like a haircut or something, seems utterly alien to me.
I realise this doesn’t answer your question, but like I said, I’ve always been fascinated by the concept.
There is a very severe lack of non-sexual touch In the world right now. Massage is so nice, it’s therapeutic. I get esthetician facials too - if you want a less fraught (for you) experience of the same sort of experience I highly recommend those, and so good for your skin too.
I tense up if other people touch me. I can get a massage without being white knuckled these days, but I can’t imagine actually wanting to touch another person.
I used to be jealous of it, like when my coworkers at summer camp were comfortable laying next to each other and partly on each other in a cuddle pile on a couch, just in a platonic non-sexual, but close way. But i was new and didn’t know what to do.
For me, the skin to skin contact feels nice, relaxing, close, safe.
I can imagine not wanting to touch another person, because i get those moods too, especially with strangers or people where the social context is unclear. But it is really nice for me when it’s the right place and time and people.
I’ve never been uncomfortable with being naked or being touched. And I’m actually an extremely sex-positive person.
But I get massage because I get sore muscles. It’s not about just being touched, it’s directed pressure to work out muscle knots. If I got a massage and all they did was oil me up and lightly touch me, I wouldn’t be going back.
Yeah I miss my sadistic masseur so much, I used to go to a guy who was like 6’5" and strong and gay - ideal combination - and the massages hurt but I would feel so much better after. I don’t need it to feel good during the massage, what I want is to fix whatever is going on. I realize logically that the hard pressure is not necessary to release muscle tension and fix things, but it has been more effective for me personally. I want to feel better after the massage than I do during it.
Hard agree, although mine is a middle aged Asian woman who talks about how fucked up my back is as she’s torturing me. 100% feel better after though, like immediately.
Endorphins are a hell of a drug. I also saw a legitimately sadistic massage therapists with, let’s say, differences in feeling empathy from most people. Best massages ever, but eventually it didn’t feel safe.
Well, there’s different kinds of massage.
The generic spa-style massage is more about relaxation, and is done in a setting that shifts the context to being fairly impersonal.
More medically focused, or sports focused (lot of overlap there) massage is being done with a goal in mind, usually in a setting that also makes it feel less intimate than it might otherwise (even with the same technique involved).
Just as an example, I trained up in a handful of massage methods over the years. Lymphatic release, myofascial release, deep tissue, a variant of shiatsu, and the bog standard “just rub the muscles that are tense” kind that isn’t really a technique/style at all. What would be used depended on my patients’ needs and preferences.
Deep tissue, I really never broke out on patients though. A few, but it was rare. That was more for friends that were in need due to muscle issues.
Myofascial release is superb for people with reduced mobility and/or spacicity since out favors fairly gentle pressure that directly unloads where the muscles connect.
Your lymphatic release is also low pressure, and is kind of the default for both a post-workout massage as well as geriatric patients and bedbound patients. It focuses on moving your juices along to the center of the body sp that associated buildup of wastes will be enhanced
But what remains true is that most massage is best done on bare skin. Not all benefit from lubricants though. Myofascial release, in particular, becomes more difficult and> less effective because you really need to be able to apply focused pressure without movement as part of what you’re doing.
Will massage therapists generally be familiar with deep tissue massage if you ask?
I think that’s what i used to get, where it felt like i was getting my tendons re-adjusted and stuff, but i didn’t know how to ask.
Yeah, almost guaranteed. Won’t necessarily offer it as a service, though the vast majority should. But any proper professional would know what it is, and likely know how.
There’s some degree of variation in techniques, but that is likely what you were getting. Deep tissue can outright hurt, but the goal is to get into the muscles where hard tension is and unkink it. It uses steady, usually slow, but forceful pressure to really get past the surface.
Which is why not everyone will offer it. It is very demanding for the practitioner, and patients may or may not actually want it, and just think they do lol. My hands can’t do it any more. Hell, I can’t always pull off the easier stuff. Arthritis sucks lol.
Thank you for sharing your experience. It is very appreciated
Have you ever had a sore muscle or stiff neck and massaged it to relax it and alleviate the pain? Imagine that being done by a professional that knows exactly where to press to relax a muscle and for your whole body.
And with the pressure they use it can be uncomfortable or somewhat painful in the moment. Its not arousing. But it works wonders.
So I get massages a lot. I’m a lady but its a pet peeve to hear someone getting tugged off in the next room. I’m not rich so I often go to places that run specials or discounts. I figured it out. Its a rub and tug place if they have curtains in the windows and it’s a straight massage place if you can see into the waiting room. People aren’t embarrassed to be seen waiting for a massage. They are not as excited for you to be seeing them go into a happy ending place.
I’m in a similar spot. The best massage for me involves a lot more pressure than most people need. I’m 195cm, 120 kilos (biiig guy) and almost no place has what I need, in my area. Rails on the ceiling so they can walk on my back. It allows them to crack my spine a little and provide enough pressure to break up the knots I get in my lower spine due to scar tissue from a surgery I had years ago.
The only place that has those rails is the local rub and tug. I just explicitly tell them at the start “no happy ending”. Most of the ladies speak enough English to get it. And they’re fine with not doing it, I always give a good tip anyway.
Don’t worry, professional masseuse will make it clear to new clients that it isn’t sexual.
If they don’t…
Interestingly, my previous go-to massage therapist told me that “massage therapist” was the preferred nomenclature, and “masseuse” carried sexual connotations.
My go-to is very professional, but that doesn’t help me with emergencies.
TIL. I didn’t know that about the word masseuse. Not that I talk about massage therapists on the regular, but now I know.
My wife is a massage therapist and she says the same thing. She hates the term ‘masseuse’.
Well, tell your massuese I said hello.
(my silly and stupid joke is to imply that she does not fulfil your needs so you go to a masseuse, but it’s supposed to sound like I’m calling your wife a name she hates. Yes, yes, explaining the joke ruins, but look, it’s just a bit of silliness, okay? :) )
Upvote for explaining the joke, or I would’ve missed it!
My friend also dislikes the term, but that’s because he’s male, and it should be masseur, or massage therapist (preferred).
The place matters, don’t go to any sketchy places. I am not sure what qualifications/school exist in other counties but in Canada for insurance purposes massage therapists must be registered/licensed in order to recieve coverage. People who are registered are very very unlikely to jeopardize their career by breaking the law like that, not tomention it goes against everything we are taught. As an RMT myself it really makes me sad that this exists and sullies our industry and is brought up like a funny joke. Therapists should be asking for consent in order to work on any sensitive areas
Look for places that do multiple types of services, and are focused on rehab. Sports therapy, physio, massage clinics are focused on treatment, not sexual stuff. Also look for registered therapists.
so I get a sketchy strip mall massage
Where do you live that you have to resort to this?
Asian Bodyworks = happy endings.
I remember a medium sized city nearby did a sting on some asian massage parlours. The undercover cops had a strict fidelity to their burden of proof and as such wanted to make sure they had enough evidence for their case and as such returned I forget, half a dozen or more times for handies.
They got mocked pretty hard for it. It’s odd though, they are hands off on escorts and parlours usually idk why they went after these ones. They pushed all the street prostitutes off of the main roads on the side roads, while higher class ones will conspicuously work downtown on occasions, even right outside the police station.
Someone somewhere is getting bribed. That’s all it is. You pay for the blind eye. You pay to have your competitors picked up. We had a lot of Hispanic ones in nyc closed because migrant families needed to make money asap but the Asian ones not 10 blocks away are untouched. I don’t think that is a coincidence and its upsetting that they pick and choose. There is no other reason I can think of as to why.
Even if you don’t partake in their services, just being there if there during a raid can get you caught up in legal trouble. You will be guilty until proven innocent in the eyes of the laws as it’s a slam dunk case for most prosecutors if they take it to a jury trial.
However, I do enjoy Asian forms of massage over most Western ones. I look for places that are either in a normal to high end enclosed shopping mall (not a strip mall) or do acupuncture.
I try to stay away massage places in stand alone buildings or open strip malls. Massage places with websites that focus on female masseuses. Some say signage in red letters can indicate a tug joint. Generally any sign of these and I’ll look elsewhere. If I still get offered, I don’t come back.
