If marriage isn’t annoying your spouse with your nonsense on a daily basis then I dont know what marriage is.
My wife is nearly annoy proof. If I texted that, she would get all warm and fuzzy.
Sounds like your wife is keeping the Live, Laugh, Love pillow manufacturers in business.
“Why fit in when you’re born to stand out?”
Baaaaaaby ruuuuuuuth~~~
It doesn’t matter what comes, fresh goes better in life!
I feel like chicken tonight, like chicken tonight!
Hot dogs. Armor hot dogs!
Have you tried removing the toilet seat 1 hour after your wife goes to bed, so that when she gets up to pee at 2am and doesn’t turn on the light, she falls in?
Then you burst in, snap a pic, and upload it to your instagram with the caption “I keep the bitches pussy wet!”
Maybe THAT will annoy her?
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Yeah. Not even ended it with a “just a prank, bro”
Don’t think they were being serious
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What? You don’t love cutting their hair while they’re sleeping?
Well we cant have that, of course. You need to try some new tactics.
Texting my spouse in another country with random nonsense, even though with our data plan, it’s $0.10 a text.
Can’t you use something like Telegram/Signal/WhatsApp and avoid the charges?
Signal. Whatsapp maybe. But Telegram isn’t even encrypted e2e. Never Telegram.
Wait… whaat ?? There are actual people who knowingly prefer WhatsApp to telegram ? I truly prefer telegram to WhatsApp, and am very surprised about this. To me WhatsApp = Facebook and I cannot fathom to use it if I can avoid it.
To be clear they’re both shit from a privacy perspective.
Telegram has effectively no security by default. WhatsApp has better security on paper with meaningful end to end encryption. But Facebook still get your meta data and they scan images in the chat to check for illegal data.
That said I basically agree with you for insecure conversations. Telegram might have access to more of my data in a chat but they don’t connect it up with all of the data Facebook has tracking me across the internet.
Pssst hey kids … nextcloud.com. You wanna score some privacy?
Warning it may lead to Linux and other Foss addictions.
Telegram has e2e, but you have to create an e2e chat. Also, supposedly telegram rolled their own encryption, which is bad juju.
Yeah, in secret chats. Where you lose all the features why people use Telegram over other messengers.
only feature i can think of losing is cross device sync. But i’m not really sure, i literally only use telegram for my mom. e2e is not important, and i refuse to use anything Meta touches (and i didn’t know about signal beforehand)
I literally promised an eye-roll per day in my vows. Can’t stop, won’t stop.
(Holiday inn)
I should have married you instead of my wife. She’s just not that into it…
hey Donna…
“Go with the flow.”
Divorce noises.
Menstruation jokes aren’t funny. Period.
Imagine saying to your period:
“Be unstoppable!”I was thinking the same thing. “Unstoppable” is not a trait you’d want to impart to your period.
For maximum effect, save “walk like a champion!” until she’s rushing to the bathroom.
Is “be unstoppable” really a quote you want on something that stops something?
Some periods ARE unstoppable. “Anemia” achievement unlocked!
Omg the days I’ve had super plus tampons, PLUS pads, and they’d be soaked within hours 😭 thank god for birth control
I hope doctors don’t say this anymore, but it used to be common for them to suggest having a kid if you had heavy periods and no kids. On top of that being an insane reason to have a child, wtf are you gonna do if it doesn’t work?? Now you have heavy periods and a small child.
“How’s mommy’s little prescription today?”
I mean, it’s free labor for small tasks. You ask a 2 year old to bring you a beer from the fridge, it’s like a game to them! Just stock the beer on the bottom shelf so it’s easily accessable to children. I mean, what were you going to use your crisper for anyways? Vegitables??? Pssshhhh!!!
This is all good advice.
You’re not fucking wrong, I’ll give you that.
having a kid if you had heavy periods
🙃
Edit: Yo im talking bout the docs not you
This is love.
Baby please hurt me, please hurt me, some more
You and me, baby, ain’t nothing but mammals
So lets ovulate like they do on the discovery channel.
Gettin’ horny now!
This is a very brave person
What is love
Baby don’t hurt me
Don’t hurt me no more…
melodic bass synth plays
Vladislav? Baby, don’t hurt me…
True love means never having to use your safe word.
This is great. She’s got a keeper there.
Can you imagine if a period never stopped. Poor girl would bleed out
That was my first thought. Stopping that flow is what your want the damn tampon for
You guys have no idea how a woman works. Stop embarrassing yourselves. Also there’s a kill switch just over the … argh you mother f… kill kill kill
his dick needs a tampon costume
Thank you kind stranger, now where the fuck can I buy one?
I’ll save anyone else a click, even Etsy doesn’t have anything even close to a tampon costume for a penis. That link does, however, somehow have a
The "Rings of Saturn" Buttholein the search results, so… yeah.
Do you just siphon through old , like decades old, posts from reddit or whatever? I mean I want to participate I just don’t know how far back into pre-history
Now you’re getting into old man shouts at clouds territory
My litmus test is essentially whether I’ve seen it before or not, even if it looks like it could be old. If it made me laugh, I’ll give it a shot and see if Lemmy enjoys it too.
Yeah and that’s how it should be. Who cares if it’s a century old if it’s funny.
I will be laughing at this one all day🤣
