My ex cheated on me and I divorced her. Her best friend knew and covered and lied for her for 2 years. Out of revenge I had sex with this best friends daughter. Nobody knew but she and me, but this revenge was sweet.
TLDR: I accidentally found out how to orgasm as a kid and I didn’t realize it. I could do it without people noticing.
When I(m) was in elementary school, they had us hang from the pullup bars to introduce us to them I guess. Eventually I was just wanting to see how long I could hang from the bar, for some reason i decided to hold my knees up high as well. Eventually i had this really tingling ticklish sensation and a huge burst of adrenaline and dopamine. Like a giant release, i started doing this ALL THE TIME. it felt so amazing. I forgot about it Eventually. As an adult i goolged it and found out i was having a core-gasm. Basically my core muscles would get tired from hanging/holding my legs up and the muscles would shake and stimulate my prostate until i came. Anywhere i could hang i was doing this.
This unlocked an old memory of my friend’s little sister putting cat food inside of her dolls.
She’d always bug us to play dolls with her. One day we obliged but were confused by this wretched fishy smell.
This little 4 year old girl said without looking up “oh yeah that’s the cat food I put in them, so the cat will play dolls with me.” Like it was the most normal thing ever. Kids do weird things.
Kid logic is simultaneously very clever and very silly lol. I had a cousin put BBs in her ears to keep bees out. She got an ear infection lol.
But did she get bees in her ears?
She did not.
That’s because 2 Bs are stronger than one
First, wash the dolls thoroughly to get the cat food out, and hopefully the plastic doesn’t absorb the smell.
Then season your dolls lightly with catnip. Refresh the seasoning as needed.
Note that some catnip brands are better than others. Growing your own fresh is amazing if you have the green thumb.
Note also cats will get over saturated to catnip exposure. Wait a week or two between re-seasonings.
Works on non-doll items as well!
Did it actually work? Wet cat food spoils pretty quickly and cats are usually offended by the smell at that point.
I don’t think so. I know her brother immediately told on her, we were 6yrs old in comparison and that’s what you do at that age.
So her Mom came up and yelled at her about it and took the cat food stuffed toys away. I was relieved to not have to play with his sister anymore.
After that we played “Hi Ho Cherry-o” in the dining room well she was sobbing in the living room talking to their mom, but I tuned everything out.
I never heard from them later in life. We moved away before I was out of elementary school.
Hi Ho Cherry-o
That’s a name I’ve not heard in a long time…a long time. I googled it to see if it’s what I was thinking of, the one with the plastic cherries, and yup!
My knee gets a little stiff when a cold front is coming.
Yes, but not so newfangled. I remember it looking more like this:
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I remember playing with food and toys as a toddler
I vaguely remember cutting doll clothes and their hair, with scissors. Then I was banned from using scissors for a quite while. What the logic behind was, that I do not remember. Later though, I cut a hand off from one, but that was, because I wanted to play with the doll being a crippled warrior.
Crunchy?
I also slept with Jensen Huang.
20 bucks is 20 bucks.
If it got me a 5090, I would too.
Fine but the trick is to marry Jensen Huang, that’s how you get the billions.
who didn’t, amirite?
By the time I was about 16, I had probably fucked every crevasse in my parent’s house where two objects were close enough together that my dick could touch both at the same time… Don’t know if girls have a similar phase, but puberty is weird y’all.
Pretty sure most guys also don’t have that phase
Yeah, I’m thinking stoicmaverick might be in a small minority on this one.
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Vice president material right here!
I really hope you didn’t have any pets
Read a celebratory have their autobiography, that said when she was a girl she discovered rubbing her pussy on the carpet would make her organism, so she got addicted to that. Yes puberty is fucked, but like post above batman not getting that information out of me. Taking that to my grave.
I didn’t even know celebratories could organism.
They hour jest peephole you know?
Bone apple tea.
How did you write that and not see how badly you fucked up? Do you not read what you write?
Yes and it’s not about me. I read it in autobiography of Chelsea Handler the book; Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang. Right in the first chapter called The Feeling.
Not sure if trolling or serious but I love this comment chain so much
One I remember reading, I think it was an Esquire magazine interview, where Jim Carrey told his green fuzzy rug story
Why, yes, I do have a secret I’d like to share with total strangers. This one makes me ashamed, to be honest. See, I used to have a… a G**gle account. *shudder*
i still use (NSFL language warning)
windows
please make my death long and painful lemmy
Notice how they’re not posting today? Confirmed.
No need, it’s already death by a thousand cuts.
…Repent to the mighty Tux for your OS (operating sins). /j
I can recommend some Linux distros for you if you give me some information about your use case. It’s really not as difficult to use as people make it out to be. I find it far more accessible than Windows, especially with some desktop environments.
You’re a monster!
I’ve repented and amended my ways.
Who wouldn’t want a giggle account?
But have you installed arch?
I have. I use Artix presently.
Gyegle
I wet the bed nightly for so long I thought I might be setting a world record. I made it well into age 15 when it suddenly stopped. Never found out why I did it for so long or how/why it stopped. 35 years later and while I don’t really think about it I would never be surprised if the dam broke again.
So you only went to second base with the barbie doll?
That’s famously the best base they’re capable of
Not if they go inside of you!
Remember to use a Barbie with a flared base
A titty in your mouth is 2nd base?
I was thinking over the clothes, hand-stuff.
Over the clothes hand stuff is a ground-rule double.
The tits are second base AFAIK. I’m not aware of a more detailed numbering that indicates precisely if skin contact occurs or not and what body part you use to touch them. Maybe we should come up with one.
I propose:
1st base: Mouth to mouth
2nd base: Hand to fun bits. Including over the pants and/or under the shirt.
3rd base: Hand and/or mouth to fun bits, under the pants/shirt.
Home run: Fun bits to fun bits, under the pants.
Sounds good, but there are more variants to consider, e.g fun bits to mouth, with and without clothes in between.
Is Batman known for his good interrogations?
*throws the Joker against wall*
Batman: Dammit, Joker, you did it, didn’t you?!
*Joker laughs hysterically*
Joker: Heehee, yes I did!
*Batman looks smugly at the mirror*
Cop: Damn, he’s good.How to be the World’s Greatest Detective: Make sure all the criminals in your city have a personal grudge against you, leave obvious calling cards, or both.
*A giant green question mark emblazoned over the decapitated body*
Batman: Hrmm. No pulse.
Gordon:: It looks like it’s the Rid-
Batman: Let’s not jump to any conclusions, Commissioner!
*Riddler drives past, frisbee’s a business card with his home address on it. Batman catches it without looking*
Batman: I’ll need to take this to the billion-dollar crime lab built under my ma- uh, bat cave.
Gordon: This city owes you so much, Batman.
Batman: I know.
Future Bruce Wayne learned to do most of his questioning during a scene transition. That seems to be the most effective method.
Batman:
##WHERE IS IT!?!Bad guy:
*cries, pisses pants*Never start with the head, the victim gets all fuzzy. He can’t feel the next- *Batman breaking fingers* See?
I’m gently fingering my butthole right now.
I also choose to be gently fingering this person’s butthole right now.
No need to be gentle, big boy
ITT folks helping digital fingerprinters identify them
He didn’t have to do that, he could have just kept that to himself. It’s OK to die with that one locked in the vault.
when the sentence gets worse exponentially with every word
i think it gets better after sister, tbh
not if you stop at barbie
You think it’s worse that sister didn’t get to watch?
At least they had a home….
One of the many great examples where paying attention to grammar would have been really worthwhile!
I’m glad “when she wasn’t home” was part of that. Otherwise what in the fuck more So.
Kids didn’t much like the taste of dried onion meal, but they loved the doll.
Honeytrap - internet peon edition.
