Toilets close the muscles- its much healther to poop on the floor.
Unfortunately most landlords/family members are aggressively deaf to this wisdom
When everything is working as it should, it doesn’t take me much longer. That’s a rare day, though.
Today I learned that I am well above average.
they don’t have to wipe
They don’t have doom to scroll
They can also just take a dump where ever they stand
I tend to wait till i can get to a restroom
Not dogs though. If they don’t work hard to find the perfect pooping spot, they ain’t pooping.
Obviously the perfect spot is the corner of the basement, back behind the clothes washing machine, as this is both safe from predators and far enough outside the living area to not spread disease. Unfortunately the humans do not allow this, so we must search daily for a new outdoor area which is suitable.
Why wipe? Shitting yourself is the new path to power in 2026.
The President does it, after all
Or check the lemmings. … Slightly awkward
I mean, you don’t HAVE to wipe!
Not if you do a deep enough squat!
Or you could get some helping hands to spread those cheeks further
I just stand in the shower and drag my fingers through mud valley then waffle stomp the rest down the drain.
Look, it’s not a race, okay?
But if it were, I lost.
It’s survival on the plains. You didn’t loose the race, you got eaten by a lion
if it were, I lost.
Same. Intentionally. I need some me time sometimes.
Tell that to the dog named Oliver who lives with me…I swear that guy will take like 5 to 7 minutes some days…sheesh
I need more fiber in my diet :\
Be careful with that shit, it’s powerful magic.
Nah, go hog wild on it. Eat an entire box of high fiber cereal and then go do naked jumping jacks.
Two to four words: sugarfree gummibears
There was a very unholy good review website about 15 years ago. The author had a lengthy and vivid description of their experiences after eating way too many of these. It was so disturbing, I never actually ate sugarfree gummies myself
Fiber regulates, sugar free… lets things free.
Fun fact, can fiber cause constipation
You can try a no fiber diet… you will see fiber required
Tell that to Ron from Accounting
Don’t you dare tell my boss that. Don’t take my time away from me!!
I make a nickel Boss makes a dime I go poo poo On the company’s time
Im jealous
I always told my teachers that I’m way above average but they never believed me…
VINDICATION!!
Poop any% speedrun?
speedruns
I can do half by having dragon fruit last night. I swear that thing is an artifect of poop god.
It does have a lot of fiber but you also might be allergic to it.
https://open.substack.com/pub/naturespharmacy/p/does-yellow-dragon-fruit-cause-diarrhea
They don’t have Wi-Fi
yeah, pooping would be way faster if they had wifi
12 seconds to poop, sure, if you don’t count all the time for bathroom clean up, a shower, laundry, etc…
You’ll save a lot of laundry time if you pull your pants down before pooping.
I’m afraid to ask, but just how the fuck do you poop exactly? Do you helicopter poop it hippo style in the middle of the bathroom?
Thank you for giving me the giggles.
