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American style Christianity described in one image.
False. The cross is not self propelled with a $20 a month subscription.
With a black guy already nailed to it.
Needs a sponsorship. I like the sound of the Fanduel Cross to Bear.
A Nascar logo, the latest shit coin, and Grifters Big Dick Protein Powder.
CrossFit?
pfft why would i pay for a cross that doesn’t even have AI?
I will be added to the cross in the next release as decreed by the shareholders.
oh take my money then, as a smart tech investor i love paying for promises
Where is my aftermarket lifted cross to own the libs on top of a few slaves?
Gotta put some truck nuts on there, for good measure.
Holy shit this is the most accurate metaphorical depiction of modern Christians I’ve ever seen.
Fun fact there’s a guy in my area who drags around a cross made of recycled oak pieces (bits of old furniture cut and glued together) every Easter. Apparently he made it out of raw spite about performative and hypocritical Christians, he is mildly insane and was not even vaguely phased by my crazed neo pagan schtick so take of that as you will.
I am a little curious about your crazed Neo Pagan schtick.
I was thinking about a full paegan one…
Not much to say about it, I just make batshit insane statements that wouldn’t be out of place in viking themed RPG. Shit like “The Norns must hate you for our fates to cross” and “Thine flesh will make a fine sacrifice to the many named god” note I usually avoid saying Odin since he is still so relevant to pop culture as to be effectively stripped of any erieness same with Thor, so I go down the borderline Lovecraft route of names and titles or I just use lesser known ones like Godin which I think is the Lombard version.
But it’s so heavy though.
It’s probably made out of balsa wood
I’m guessing Papier-mâché
Some go further and abuse it (riding on a notorized cross)
If the cross is notarized, does that mean you have to sign for it?
It is carried by twelve slaves, so you have to command them and this privilege is obviously forged every so often
Forged you say, that’s ironic.
Welp, that gif is retired now.
Arrived from the heavens, died for our sins, but in the third season he was resurrected.
why didn’t Jesus think of that? Was he stupid?
Jesus would have survived crucifixion if he’d tried harder
On the other hand, I think he nailed it.
The thought must’ve crossed his mind, just to fuck with the mortals.
What are you talking about, he did survive it, though he slept for 3 days before going to say bye to his friends then goy the fuck out of there before the sick fucks tried again. He then went to Scandinavia where he taught the people to mostly be cool, but, worried about another backlash, told them that maybe one day they can raid and pillage every now and then as a treat.
Wait I got the rest of it, but what’s the Scandinavia part?
Just that Scandinavians are generally pretty chill but there was also those centuries of Viking raids. Plus, with the whole ascending thing, that’s about as far north as he could get.
As God, Jesus wouldn’t have died unless he wanted to. Jesus committed suicide by Roman(s).
You are correct if one were to assume the contents of the bible are an accurate representation of history; it’s mentioned several times during the passion. Effectively Jesus, being God, could have just noped out or gone Old Testament or whatever. He specifically talked about that in the garden of Gethsemane basically saying he knows what’s going to happen and is doing so voluntarily.
They didn’t have the wheel in the bronze age 🙃
If they’re too lazy to even perform during their performative gestures, what’s the fucking point?!
They should just send a guy out there wearing a life size replica of Charlie Kirks head like a theme park mascot yelling “OBEY” followed by whatever they want their cult to do/feel/etc.
Yup. American Evangelism summed up in one picture.
It’s practically a motto: “Optics, not substance.”
Turns out following the teachings of Jesus Christ and being a good person are too difficult for most Christians.
It’s rather poignant I think.
After all the guy they are honouring only ever paid lip service to the religion. So they should to.
Look at me! Look at me! I’m doing the thing! Look at me!
Vanity will get you sent to hell bro. Hope you know.
Hell isn’t real.
But guillotines are.As are crosses.
bloodlust
I mean. I don’t hope dude is guillotined. Unless he did some high treason.
Have you not been paying attention? All they know is high treason
Hey when you’re making up the story you can control the entire narrative
Holy shit this is so hilarious and so fucking awful. Jesus would be so pissed.
Now I’m imagining Peter Thiel pitching Jesus an easy button as an alternative to sacrificing himself for the sins of humanity.
It’s also way undersized. Look at how wide it isn’t. They’d be nailing his elbows instead of his hands. It ought to be much taller and thicker too.
the og cross was supposedly 9’ x 6’ and 300lbs according to my quick Google
ps I nearly did a Stonehenge and called it 9"x6"
IIRC, they did not carry the entire cross, the vertical member was permanently installed. They carried the horizontal portion and were basically hoisted by that into place
the vertical member was permanently installed
that’s a cigar-waggler of a line
Nah fuck it Jesus was a giant confirmed.
You can only miss the point if you ever aimed at it.
Anyone giving these donkeys money deserves to be parted with it, unfortunately.
