Reminds me of one of my professors who left her husband, who was also a professor, when he was diagnosed with cancer.
He survived, and uses her as an example of unethical behavior for his ethics course.
“today we will talk about my ex-wife…”
“NOT AGAIN PROFESSOR”
“IT’S FOR STUDIES!!!”
It’s the recover question at the end of the exam.
In my mind, this was taking place at Hogwarts.
Do not cross teachers or songwriters, you will inspire future works.
My buddy is a songwriter and is working on an album right now. He was showing me the lyrics and I could almost map which songs were about who.
Half the album is sad bastard and the other half is just how certain relationships sucked.
I’m really looking forward to it. I run sound from time to time at a place where one of his exes works and I really want to queue it up between sets.
I really want to queue it up between sets.
I hate to be that guy, but since it appears to be related to your gig, I feel like it might be beneficial for you… The word is “cue” in this case.
I guess “queue” gets the point across though. And maybe “a queue of songs” is a valid descriptor.
M-W defines the verb forms of cue as queue. It seems like in historical use, cueing up media is typical, but queuing songs isn’t wrong.
I have an honest followup question to this meme (because I lived it): how long do you expect the girlfriend to stay?
At age 23 I was in a great relationship, we were in love, then I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. I stopped being able to do physical things, I dropped out of school, I was bedridden. She went from being my girlfriend to being my nurse. She cared for me for a year, one long miserable year, then she left.
Is she at fault for leaving?
Dunno, man. Its hard to say. When you marry you take vows. Breaking those vows is a massive no-no in my eyes.
Unmarried couples have never vowed to take care of each other in sickness and in health. On those grounds, I think its fair to say that leaving is not unethical. Doesn’t change the fact that its absolutely devastating and worthy of scrutiny regardless.
Sorry you had to go through that.
A fancy ceremony doesn’t change how people feel about the other person, nor the level of obligations they actually have (emotionally, financially it can get complicated). If you’re unhappy and they reason cannot be changed (like chronic illness requiring significant care) then you fucking leave if that’s what you want. Staying only creates two miserable people instead of one, and your partner will definitely understand even if it hurts.
A fancy ceremony doesn’t change how people feel about the other person, nor the level of obligations they actually have
You literally take an oath at the ceremony vowing to uphold an extremely high level of obligations to another person.
If you’re making vows at a wedding ceremony that you feel you can just nope out on if shit hits the fan, why are you getting married? What is the point?
I agree. The wedding shouldn’t change how you feel about the other person because you should already be 100% dedicated if you’re thinking of getting married.
I made a vow to my wife when we got married to care for her in sickness and in health. I do not care what happens in life, I would never abandon her. Period. That is the burden of the vow I made. In my mind my personal integrity is foundationally attached to it.
If you’re comfortable with abandoning a spouse over health issues, the marriage was a sham from the get go. Like, what are you doing at the ceremony? Making vows with your fingers crossed behind your back? 🤞🤞🤞
A lot of people in the current culture we live in do not place any value on their word or honor. I don’t really blame people for this since the system we live in almost exclusively rewards exactly the opposite behavior.
But it does make it very hard to communicate with people when you don’t have the same vocabulary.
It seems like you and I believe a vow is something that you make and would hold yourself to regardless of circumstance. But the nature of our capitalistic society teaches us from very young age that if it will improve your standing, your finances, or your situation in some way, then it is okay to break your personal code.
With that rambling paragraph in mind, it’s not surprising when we find out that most folks don’t have a personal code and vows mean nothing more than a pinky swear.
Plenty of people before 2025 divorced for any number of reasons.
Plenty of people straight up murdered their spouse because divorce wasn’t an option.
Saying “people in the current culture we live in do not place any value on their word or honor” means you have no idea how people in the past lived.
People are today as they have always been, just with different gadgets and environment.
I didn’t say anything about a divorce or murder. Maybe I was bad at getting my point across.
The point I’m attempting to make is that putting value on your word, and by association giving extra value to a vow over another type of promise, is a lesser respected or necessary part of being a human in the late stage capitalist society that we live in.
This can be evidenced by people saying that a vow can easily be broken if the circumstances change.
That is not what a vow means.
My point is that it hasn’t changed. People have always been people.
If you’re making vows at a wedding ceremony that you feel you can just nope out on if shit hits the fan, why are you getting married? What is the point?
I agree. The wedding shouldn’t change how you feel about the other person because you should already be 100% dedicated if you’re thinking of getting married
And get married at 23, plan life of kids and whatever. Car accident a year later and she/he is a quadruped. What you’re describing isnt love, or devetion, it’s indentured servitude. If you truly love the other person you’d want them to leave.
But it’s why I never plan on being married who the fucks knows what will happen tomorrow, let alone a decade down the road.
Im 59, my parter (f 56) and I have had that discussion, she insists she’ll stay and take care of me if it happened and I said that will make me even more miserable and more depressed and I’d want her to leave.
I can’t even wrap my head around how selfish and self absorned you’d have to be to insists someone take care of you for decades of you were bedridden or even house bound etc
If you’re not ready to do that, then just don’t get married. It’s very simple. There’s no law saying you need to marry someone.
In a scenario like this, I don’t know that there’s fault to be had.
Big picture (my opinion as a 53yo) 23 is still young and it’s not uncommon for people and their priorities to change as they find direction in life. Even if you remained healthy, there’s other growing and changes occurring that may have eventually lead to the end of the relationship - it’s the risk we take when we make ourselves vulnerable to someone.
Is it unfortunate? Yes. Sad? Absolutely. Depressing and entirely unfair? No question. But you both lost the future you were hoping to have together. Wishing you better to come.
It’s not so black and white. It really depends. There needs to be communication between both parties.
It’s perfectly fine if one person says, “I can’t do this. I can’t go through with this.” Asking someone to stay by you until you die, or to carry the burden of your disability or sickness is a lot. If there’s a conversation held about it and one person wants out then it’s fine.
One person simply leaving the moment it’s announced is a bit much though, especially if they decide to come back. As someone else said, it’s called having tact.
I try to go around life believing that nobody owes me anything in any way shape or form. Thus, I should be thankful for anything that I have.
She gave you a year, then she decided to leave. Technically, that makes it her fault. But exactly what does determining this accomplish for anyone or anything? Life will just randomly kick the shit out of you and tear you a new one. We all have to adapt and survive and negotiate. If that means leaving an optional strenuous situation, then that’s what has to happen. It’s life.
fault?, gf no if a wife yes
but regardless a shit human being
Should she have stayed and essentially worked as a nurse until he died?
Just because they where in a relationship early in life?
If the illness didn’t happen, they might have fallen out eventually, but because one is ill the other is morally bound for decades?If that’s your moral standard, you better spend every free minute of your life volunteering and every spare cent on charity, otherwise go fuck yourself!
depends how serious it was
if it was a long term relationship already and otherwise good until the illness, yea it’s shitty and selfish of a partner to leave
if it was just some short fling nah
especially if married, literally part of what you signed up for and is a very real prospect of what I might have to do myself in the future so money where my mouth is and all that
you can take your strawman and shove it
If you get married, I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what you’re signing up for. So I tend to agree with the other commenter.
“In sickness and in health,” and “Til death do us part” and all of that.
hah same exact phrase was in my head
I work in a hospital (not a nurse or medical staff) and you’d be fucking appalled by how common this is.
Serious illnesses can be horrifying to watch someone go through and poverty routinely seperates loved ones.
Standing by someone in a terrible - perhaps terminal - condition is absolutely an incredible challenge and shouldn’t be dismissed as anything less than that.
A big reason you want to stand by your partner in perilous circumstances is because you want them to be there for you. And another big reason is because you might not get any more moments together than this, so make them last.
In a place like America, where sick days are a luxury and health care can still bankrupt you, being at someone’s bedside is a cross to bare. Be happy when you’re not carrying it. Don’t be so quick to judge when someone else can’t.
Well as an argument I can agree with you. There is a lot to be said for “you don’t know until it happens”.
That being said, we aren’t discussing the broad strokes, we’re looking at this meme. And from context and wording shows not pragmatism, but self centered behavior(please note the intentional distinction between selfish behavior and self centered behavior).
I literally was a caregiver for ten years (full time six of those years). My wife recently died. I was astonished by the number of people who told me to leave her. wtf is wrong with people. You don’t abandon people who are suffering.
wtf is wrong with people.
That, Idfk. One thing to collapse under the pressure. Another thing to get up in someone’s business and say something so vile.
Yeah, exactly. I don’t see this as black and white as it’s made out to be. Where’s the point in cancer or another serious disease ruining two lives? Sure, sometimes people leave for selfish reasons. But protecting yourself is not selfish, it’s essential for survival. If you stay and support a sick person, that makes you a good person. Leaving someone because you cannot handle dealing with the disease emotionally or financially doesn’t automatically make you a bad person.
Unless you have made a conscious vow otherwise.
That whole “'til death do us part” is some ancient bullshit. People change, situations change. Sticking with a bad situation because you once said “in good times and bad times” even if it is destroying you is some toxic-ass bullshit.
Contrarian bullshit is so chic.
Oh fuck off. I am not being contrarian. I am just too old to believe in absolutes. Things change, people change. That’s just life. And having seen multiple people die of cancer over the years, that shit is no fucking joke and will absolutely ruin the lives of everyone involved. If someone just cannot handle that, it’s OK to leave that awful situation. Yes, it does suck even more for the person who’s actually ill. But I really don’t see a point in ruining multiple lives because of one person’s illness. Again, if people want to step up and be there, that is amazing and laudable. But if you step away simply to protect yourself, you will probably feel bad and wish you could do more. But sometimes you just can’t. Once more: that’s simply how life is.
Just considering the demographics on this website, there’s a fairly decent chance you’re not older than me. Our experiences may differ.
But just by reading this, it’s pretty clear that we have a different definition of a vow. I’m not sure why you’re so up in arms about this.
I called you contrarian because you’re in here arguing a point I didn’t even make. I didn’t say that I would hold you to a vow nor that I would judge you if you broke your vow.
I said that over the last ~50 years of me watching people I have seen a general pattern of the lessening of the value of these intangibles.
The concept of no-fault divorce must infuriate you.
The concept of reading through a comment and understanding it before writing a vacuous reply must terrify you.
Hey, person in the meme, if you read this, just tell him the truth, i’m sure he will appreciate it and be back together with you. You’re welcome!
And let us know how it goes!
Honestly this is the best advice. It doesn’t have the highest chance of success, but it’s the only path that could really result in healing and reconnection. Some people do dumb things when confronted with mortality or serious illness, especially if they’re young and inexperienced. If she could be honest and sincere it would demonstrate awareness and potentially growth.
Spit on That Thang
She can try. Hopefully, the guy won’t be dumb enough to fall for that.
How my mother views her children.
I became too crazy for my wife.
I was pretty crazy when she took me in (also hella creative and hella horny), but the COVID-19 lockdown did a number on
meeveryone, including me, and then I couldn’t get back into therapy because it’s impacted.TMI
spoiler
On one hand, yeah, so much for in sickness and in health and on the other hand I know I can be
batshit insane and fucking scarya bit of a burden sometimes.Also I’m really, really big on consent and (only) what the girl wants, the girl gets. When she wants out, she gets out. (I’m jealous of the new beau, but more because I’m desperately lonely than a need to possess and contain her). Also she pushes herself to move on after loss (say when we lost our dog, we got a new puppy pretty quickly), where as I want to squeeze all the grief out for a year or two before unfurling my sails once again.
Being human is just hard.
Hey now it didn’t get everyone, Covid barely affected me. Mind you I’m an insular bastard who is living up to a bunch of 1800s and 1700s stereotypes about American-Scots being insular mildly violent bastard who want to be left alone.
Bro I miss the lockdowns. I miss the 6ft separation.
It gave me some dark satisfaction to see everyone briefly visit my world and get broken by it. But for me it was great because suddenly everything was built around my lifestyle. Briefly.
